Adding 3 Flavors to Story and Strawberry Kiwi Vanilla Pudding Pie

“Mr. McGregore was a mean old man.”

As a creative writing teacher, students constantly write sentences similar to the one above.

It’s a perfectly good English sentence, everything is in its proper place, including the punctuation.

Despite its grammatically perfect structure, the sentence violates the first--the very first rule of telling tales--IT’S BORING.

The sentence contains absolutely no emotional, moral, psychological, spiritual, or ethical connection to the reader.

In the words of Truman Capote: “That’s not writing. That’s typing.”

When I get a sentence from a student like the one above, I have the student sit in front of me, and I begin asking questions like Joe Friday interrogating a hoodlum on the old Dragnet radio and television show.

Who is Mr. McGregore?

Why is he mean?

Did Mr. McGregore do something to you?

Do you have a problem with Mr. Gregore?

Did you TP Mr. McGregore’s home?

Why do you care that Mr. McGregore is mean?

Why do I care that Mr. McGregore is mean?

Maybe Mr. McGregore isn’t a mean old man. Maybe Mr. McGregore is just a lonely old man who’s tired of teenage punks like you running around the neighborhood ringing doorbells and putting cherry bombs in mailboxes.

The last question I ask is

Can you give me three--only three--elements in this sentence as to why Mr. McGregore is a mean old man and why the Hell I should even care?

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When I cook I try to add at least three of my favorite ingredients to each recipe. I try to combine spices, herbs, vegetables, meats, and liquids that don’t necessarily go together, like rosemary, curry, and salmon.

I also like combining my favorite foods for tastes that are familiar and enjoyable.

Strawberries are my favorite fruit and vanilla pudding is my favorite pudding. I’m also quite fond of kiwi and vanilla wafers.
And, I prefer to eat pie rather than cake any day.

Larry Mike’s Strawberry Kiwi Vanilla Pudding Pie

Use your favorite pie crust recipe or frozen pie crust

The following makes for two pies

4 cups strawberries, sliced and quartered
2 kiwi, peeled, sliced, and halved
3/4 cup sugar
3/4 cup water
3 tbsp cornstarch
1/4  tsp salt
1 box instant vanilla pudding

crush one cup strawberries and place in pan
add 3/4 cup water and bring to a boil
simmer for three minutes
strain juice from cooked strawberries into measuring cup and add water to make a full cup

combine remaining strawberries, sugar, cornstarch, and salt in the same pan
(you can also add the pulp from the boiled crushed strawberries or use the pulp later to mix a smooth)
slowly add juice, stirring until it boils and thickens

coat pie crust with powdered sugar
pour mixture into uncooked pie crust
cook in preheated oven to 375 F until crust is golden brown

mix instant vanilla pudding and stir until thick
pour vanilla pudding over strawberry mixture
place kiwi slices on top of vanilla pudding

for an extra kick, crumble enough vanilla wafers to cover the top of the pie

place pie in refrigerator and chill before serving

The first time I made this, I used frozen strawberries; however, the mixture was too watery and wouldn’t hold form. Using fresh strawberries is best to ensure the mixture thickens properly.

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So, how does the writer fix the sentence, “Mr. McGregore was a mean old man.”?

By adding just three elements to the sentence, the writer can hook the reader and draw the reader to the second sentence, then the third sentence et cetera.

“Mr. McGregore opened his front door on the cold wet day to find a rain-soaked puppy looking up at him with its large pleading eyes, and the old man kicked the puppy across the street.”

The three elements added are

• setting: cold wet day
• emotional: rain-soaked puppy looking up at him with its large pleading eyes
• action: kicked the puppy across the street

The sentence shows the reader the meanness of Mr. McGregore rather just merely tell the reader that he is mean.

The intelligent reader can evaluate for himself just how mean Mr. Gregore is rather than the writer merely making a statement of fact.

What’s interesting is that when I use this example in my class, I get two distinct reactions:

The girls say, “Oh, that’s so mean.”

The boys laugh and say, “That’s cool.”

I don’t know why the girls and boys react differently, but they do. I could figure it out if I really wanted to, but the point isn’t how the students reacted.

The point is that the students REACTED to the revised sentence whereas their collective reaction to the first version was dull eyes rolling back into their skulls.

Whether a strawberry pie or a sentence, I strive to achieve a reaction from either the eater or the reader.
When I write, I check each sentence to ensure it has at least three ingredients to which my reader can react. The worst reaction I've ever heard is, "Eh, it's okay."

For eating and reading, just like cooking and writing, are metaphors for each other.

In their own unique ways and purposes, a well made pie and a well told story provide expectation, flavor, nourishment, pleasure, and satisfaction.

Bon Apetite
Write Well

Larry Mike

No Resolutions--A 'To Accomplish' List Instead

Yeah--

It's that time again--the perfunctory resolutions that look good on paper but which slowly fade as time and reality creep into the fibers.

So, my resolution is to make no resolutions.

Instead, I'm making a 'To Accomplish' List.I've read some writers are putting "Get Published in 2011" on their resolution lists.

Really? I wish getting published were that easy.

My 'To Accomplish' list doesn't have "Get Published in 2011".

Oh, I'm going to do all the right things to better my chances of getting published, but, ultimately, I know that actually getting published requires that a House somewhere out there wants to publish me. I'll make myself presentable, lovable, approachable, workable, amenable, punctual, and just down right adorable.

My job as a writer isn't "To Get Published". My job as a writer is to tell stories. Getting published is the reward for well-written tales and hard work, research, resolution, and stamina--not wishing.

If a writer is burning to get published, there are plenty of vanity and POD "houses" itching for such a writer's business. Hell, Tate Publishing needs another $4,000 from some publish-me-hungry writer.


My 'To Accomplish' includes finishing three novels I've been working on the past year, each with its own self-imposed deadline as well as two anthologies of short stories each based on a common theme. Sounds like an overload. Each task, though, is at the near completion stage, and I've been procrastinating about finishing any of them.

Entering writing contests is another "To Accomplish" goal. I've shied away from them--not because I was afraid of not winning, but because I was afraid to simply enter. It's like a runner who has talent and speed but is just too afraid to toe up to the starting line, or a talented surgeon who sweats bullets to make that very first cut.

Attending more writer meetings is on my 'To Accomplish' list as well. Living in Southwest Oklahoma is a bit like living on Mars, and if it weren't for email and the Internet, I wouldn't know what the hay was going on with the groups to which I belong. But, the Ethernet doesn't replace flesh and blood, and I not only want but need to be around other writers of like mind.

I started a writers group in SW-OK but with vacations and conferences, we only had two meetings. I've also got a creative writing club going at Altus High School with about 20 student members.

The more I'm around other writers, neophyte and professional, the more I want to write.

One way "To Accomplish" my goals is to actually Be A Writer. I read Carolyn See's "Making a Literary Life" a few years ago. I need to read it two or three times a year. So, I've started reading it again. I met Carolyn many years ago at a writers conference, and we've exchanged a few post cards since. The theme I get out of "Making a Literary Life" is that to Be A Writer I Must Live Like A Writer.

And that brings me to my next "To Accomplish" objective--read more. I teach high school English. I read constantly--student work, the works of the writers we're studying, reports, essays, research papers. By the time I get some time to myself, my eyes are crossed, my synapses have snapped, and my soul is exhausted.

I've found over the past few years that I have gotten away from reading just for the sake of reading. I read a few books this past year, but not near the number I want to read. Reading what others have published is to a writer what viewing game film of the opposing team is to an athlete. Read, read, read. That's what I tell my creative writing students. Good advice for me, too.

That's it.

I'm not actually making a list.

These "To Accomplish" objectives won't do me any good on a list. I've never been a "list" kind of guy. I prefer to mull and meditate so that what ever I have to accomplish becomes imbued with my heart and soul.

Putting these objectives on a list and posting them to the wall in front of my writing desk won't do me any good. After a while, the list will be absorbed by the wall and disappear, along with all the other lists and notes I have posted on the wall in front of my writing desk.

Oh, yeah: I'm raising two of my Grandchildren for the next 12 to 14 months while their father is deployed to Korea.

See you on the bookshelf.

Larry Mike

New Post at LarryMikeGarmon.com; Chap 03 on Scribd.com

Dear Curious Reader,

As I have previously stated, I have simplified my life by combining my website, Talewright blog, and NEVЯLAND blog into one.

I've turned my website into a WordPress blog.

My life is so much simpler now.

Tick the image or my name to be taken there: LarryMikeGarmon.com

You can subscribe from there.

The new web/WordPress site also contains NEVЯLAND news and excerpts.

New NEVЯLAND Website Look:

I've added a second Theme Song as well: "Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep". This is really a creepy song about a boy (Baby Don) who goes to sleep hearing his mother singing a song and then awakens the next day to find both Momma and Poppa are gone "far, far away". The reason it's creepy for me is because it's such an upbeat, happy song for such a terrifying situation, especially for a child!

NEVЯLAND Excerpts:

I'm posting NEVЯLAND excepts on my website and also through Scribd.com.

Just go to LarryMikeGarmon.com and you'll see the excerpt posting in the middle column labeled Recent Musings.

Tick HERE for the Scribd.com version.

Hope you and those for whom you care and love are happy and healthy.

See you the bookshelves.

Larry Mike

To Hell with Suspense

The genius of Story is not in how much a writer does, but in how little.

The job of a confident writer is not to include a single word to simply keep the reader’s attention.

He reduces each scene to its essence, and keeps the reader there just long enough for the reader to contemplate it, to inhabit it in Imagination.

To hell with suspense.

The reader wants understanding.

Story is not concerned with thrilling the reader, but with inspiring the reader with awe and wonder.

See you on the book shelves.

Larry Mike

How Do You Make that Backwards Я?

One of the questions I am asked about NEVЯLAND is–How the hell do you make that backwards “R”?

First, it’s not actually an “R”. It’s the Russian letter Я–pronounced YA. It’s also the first person singular pronoun “I” in Russian.

And I make Я with a simple mouse click that switches my English keyboard setting to a Russian keyboard setting on my Mac (PC can do it, too).

Mac has an upper task window, and my window shows an American flag to tell me I’m using the English keyboard setting.

When I want to type Russian letters, I click on the American flag, a drop menu appears with a Russian flag in it. I then click on the Russian flag, and VOILA! My keyboard is transformed into a Russian keyboard.

(Not the actual letters printed on the keys, of course–I have a picture of a Russian keyboard taped to my wall to show me where the Russian letters are located as if I were using a real Russian keyboard.)

Once I type Я, I click on the Russian flag in my Mac’s upper task window, click on the American flag in the drop down menu, and I’m back to using the English keyboard setting.
On the Russian keyboard, the Я letter is where the English letter Z is located.

As I typed the outline for the first book, I had to come up with a NAME for the book and the series.

I must have a NAME when I write a book as the NAME suggests a theme for me and helps keep me focus.

The title NEVERLAND came quite easily, but I didn’t like the way it looked.

I played around the the spelling:

NEVRLAND

NEVRLAN

NVRLND

And none of them felt right. I continued outlining.

So, I’m plotting Chapter Three: Laynie, who has witnessed the hysterical chaos that has taken over Junebug and is horrified by the death of a couple of children, is determined to ride her bike out of Junebug to her grandmother’s farm about three miles outside of town.

However, in her panic, she forgets about the invisible wall surrounding the city and imprisoning the children.

She peddles up to the city limits at full speed and crashes into the invisible barrier. She’s thrown forward. Her head slams into the invisible wall, and she’s knocked out.

As she regains consciousness, she hears a hissing sound and a terrible metallic sharp odor assails her nostrils.

When she’s fully awake, she sees Cassie, a classmate from Junebug Junior High spray painting in the air–and the letters are hanging in the air on the invisible wall.

Cassie is a mainstreamed special education student classified as an Idiot-Savant who is a genius at math but has little to no social or verbal skills.

She likes to listen to audio stories, though, and her favorite story is Peter Pan.

She tells Laynie that a Blue Fairy has visited Junebug during the night and has taken all the adults away, including her parents.

Laynie realizes that Cassie is confusing two stories: Peter Pan and Pinocchio.

Pinocchio features the Blue Fairy, a motherly figure who helps Pinocchio become a real boy.

As Laynie walks away from Cassie and her “painting on the air”, Cassie calls out, “Good-bye. Don’t let the Blue Fairy get ‘cha!”

Laynie turns around and sees what Cassie has written “on the air”, which is
NEVЯLAND

And that’s how the title with it’s Я came about.

The title also reveals a major theme about growing up in a world without adult supervision, much as the children in Peter Pan’s NEVERLAND:

• What kind of “world” would several thousand Children build if they were left to fend and defend for themselves?

Do you have a question about NEVЯLAND or writing in general? Send me your question, and I’ll do my best to get back to you ASAP.

Thanks for your support and encouragement. Although writing is a solitary event, putting a novel together is a collaborative effort–and I’m getting all sorts of great advice and encouragement from friends, new and old, as well as fellow writers.

See you on the bookshelves,

Larry Mike Garmon

A Rose by Any Other Name Still Gets the Blame for the Thorns

"The Naming of Cats" is an excellent poem by T.S. Eliot. If you haven't read it, you must be culturally depraved indeed.

Names are more important to an author than a parent. I know that sounds odd, but it's true.

As an author, I fret over a name for a character.

My own children's names came quite easily.

As a story begins to tell itself to me, a character often tells me his/her name right away.

Sometimes, though, I've got to use a descriptive name as the fabulists of old did because the character is either too shy to tell me his/her name or is being a bit of a prankster and making me guess his/her name or wait until I'm well into the story to tell me his/her name.

As a teacher, I have nearly 3,000 names of former students from which to choose. Because my YA characters are amalgams of my students, a character name pops to mind as I remember a former student who is much like the character in the story, and so the name sticks.

In NEVЯLAND, the protagonist's name has changed twice.

First, I thought she said her name was Rianne Pfaltzgraft. I had a seventh grade student many, many years ago named Rianne Pfaltzgraft, and I've always wanted to use that name in a tale.

As I began to outline and then write, the girl aged from 12 to 13 and she told me "Rianne Pfalzgraft" wasn't her name at all. She was just using that until I begin to listen.

To tell you the truth, I still wasn't listening well enough, and I didn't catch the second incarnation of the character's name and I don't remember it now.

Finally, she shouted the name out to me: Laynie.

I have a student graduating this year named Laynie, and as the character developed, I realized how much much the protagonist of NEVЯLAND and Laynie were twins--not so much in appearance but in attitude and temperment.

Interesting, Laynie (the character, not the real student) still looks an awful lot like Rianne, which is probably why I was confused as to her name in the beginning.

Once I had Laynie's name, her friends' names came next and came quickly: Lauryn, Ravyn, Cynthea, and Kymber. These are actual names of students I know.

There's a clique nickname in that group of "Y" girls.

Until Lauryn told me her name, I had to call her Snobby in the outline. At 13, she already is a multi-beauty pageant winner and is quite vain and, well, snobby. Her brother is referred to as Snobby's Brother, or SB for short.

The eighth grade boy Laynie is interested in is just called Jock (he plays football and runs track) while the geek who is interested in Laynie is called Nerd Boy because he is, well, a geek and a nerd.

I know both of these boys will eventually reveal to me their names, hopefully by the time I submit the manuscript in August!


For name inspiration, I also like to scan baby name lists on the Internet.

However, the best is the SSN most popular names over the past one hundred years. Here's the LINK.

Character names are important. It's hard to image the protagonist of Catcher in the Rye being named Mike Smith instead of Holden Caufield.

And imagine the lost symbolism in Death of a Salesman if Willie Loman's name was Sam Steward.

See you the bookshelves.

Larry Mike Garmon

13

1. Write bravely.
2. Write to get it written.
3. Write to polish your talent.
4. Write about nothing—it’s the only thing you’re truly expert at.
5. Write until someone pays you to write, and then write some more.
6. Write to make sense of nonsense and nonsense of sense.
7. My secret of writing? Butt to chair; finger tips to keys; mind to the matter at hand.
8. My story must have ideas bigger than a few hundred 6x9 pages sandwiched between a glossy cover.
9. I never find answers in my stories—when I write, I continually find more questions.
10. I’m elated when a reader is angry with what I’ve written—at the very  least I’ve elicited an emotional response. My worse nightmare is a reader who shrugs his shoulders and declares, “Eh.”
11. I’m like a duck on the water when I write: You see me cool and calm on the surface, but what you don’t see is me paddling like hell underneath to keep afloat and to keep going in a certain direction.
12. Most writers have a moral compass. The problem is  they are turning in every direction trying to find a directional point that helps them feel comfortable rather than simply following true North.
13. I breathe; therefore, I write.

See you on the bookshelves.
Larry Mike Garmon

Unblurring My Religion

Pablo Picasso said, “There are painters who transform the sun to a yellow spot, but there are others who with the help of their art and their intelligence, transform a yellow spot into the sun.”

Right now, I'm in the process of unblurring spots--the jargon is "pre-writing", "outlining", "brainstorming", "fleshing out the story", "freewriting".

I've reached a point in my YA fantasy Barmaglot where the story has taken over the writing, and I'm little more than the fingers ticking the letters on the keyboard. Although I like the story very much and am quite pleased with the story, I'm pretty much done as far as the "writer" aspect is concerned.

This happens to me as I complete a project.

And my mind begins to grasp at the straws of creativity because it's doing little more than perfunctory work at this point.

And any straw will do, really.

I'm never at a loss for ideas. I stub my toe in the dark of morning, and before the pain reaches mid-throb, a whole novel flashes through my head about a guy stubbing his toe in the dark of morning and what kind of day he is about to experience.

But, straws of inspiration do not bricks of Story make. And I know this. Ideas are ideas and not Story.

Sometimes, though, a blade of straw stabs me as if it were thrown by an Oklahoma tornado and impales me with an idea that just won't let go.

That's where I'm at now. As Barmaglot heads to its destined conclusion, I'm impaled by an idea for my next Story.

And I don't call this phase of my writing "pre-writing", "outlining", "brainstorming", "fleshing out the story", "freewriting".

For me, it's unblurring my religion.

It's not a question of talent or determination or desire or even time.

It's a question of faith.

Story first appears to me in blurry visionary form with only crumbs of character here, snippets of scene there, and smidgens of story everywhere all floating around in the amniotic fluid of creativity.

All these little yellow spots dancing and swirling around me. Little yellow spots that require my art and my intelligence to be transformed into Sun, into Story.

One Story focuses itself into crystal clarity and another Story starts to focus itself, to unblur the spot into Sun.

And I'm at my happiest because this is where Story is revealed-- a process of discovery and revelation in the truest senses of those words. I am John of Patmos sitting in my lonely cave with the vision of the divine wrapping itself around me.

The genius of Story is not in how much a writer does, but in how little. The work of a sublimely confident writer is not to include a single word to simply keep the reader's attention. He reduces each scene to its essence, and keeps the reader there just long enough for the reader to contemplate it, to inhabit it in the imagination. Story is not concerned with thrilling the reader, but with inspiring the reader with awe and wonder.

To turn the yellow spot into Sun.

See you on the bookshelves.

Larry Mike Garmon

My Name is Larry Mike, and I’m a Writer: Writing is Like an Addiction Step Program

Me angry young man!

Many years ago, in another life, I attended counseling sessions to help me through a particular rough time. I attended both personal and group counseling.

The group counseling was more of a lecture setting than a "Share with the group setting", which I enjoyed because I'm a copious note taker plus I hate "sharing with the group". Even as a high school student, I hated "working in groups"--either I ended up doing all the group work because I was placed with a bunch of slackers or I was placed in a group whose members were just as arrogant and know-it-all as I, and we all know that a nuclear reaction occurs  when a bunch of teen-age arrogant, know-it-alls are all grouped together.
Truth be told: I preferred the slacker-moron group to the know-it-all group.

But, I digress.

Fast forward like a TiVO to today.

Actually, last week.

During Spring Break, I spent much of my time cleaning my writing room and organizing my files. (You can  see pics of that adventure here.) I was going through old files and throwing trash formally labeled as "important stuff" away.

I re-filed and organized other "important stuff" I am still too attached to.

I came across one folder of papers that were yellowed and written with a hurried hand in pencil.

The same advice given to me during a counseling session to help me keep my life somewhat organized and sane are just as good for writing a story.

One particular leaf caught my attention. Here's what is written on it:

Step 1--describe the problem

Step 2--describe the results you want

Step 3-gather information

Step 4-think of alternative solutions

Step 5-choose the best solution

Step 6-implement the solution

Step 7-evaluate the results; make necessary changes

Reading these seven steps, I thought, What are my writing notes doing in with my counseling notes? I need to post these on my wall to glance at as I write when I reach those moments of indecision or so-called "writer's block".

I posted the note to my notes wall just to the side of my monitor and in my direct line of sight.

The Wall of Reminders

During the past week, I've been glancing at what I've now labeled "Seven Steps to Writing." The more I've glanced at it, the more I was puzzled about the note's origin.

I went through my files again and pulled out the folder in which I had found the note--the folder with my counseling notes. All the sheaves within the folder were the same yellowed and wrinkled sheets of three-holed notebook paper, and all the notes scribbled upon them were in the same hurried pencil scrawl.

Just like the now labeled Seven Steps to Writing.

Then I had one of those Holy Cow! epiphany moments.

These Seven Steps were written during a counseling session and provided by my counselor as a guide to help me to get my life together, organize myself, learn how to evaluate and overcome problems I'd be facing, and, generally, be as happy as possible and not stress out so much about every little thing.

And the reason why I thought the Seven Steps were misplaced from my writing notes file is because these Seven Steps apply to any Writing Life situation--whether fiction, non-fiction, poetry, or essay--as well as any living situation I might face.

I laughed--one of these I get it! laughs when a Life Truth tickles my soul--and my eyes saw Life, the Universe, & Everything a bit more clearly.

I don't live what I write but I write what I live.

I've chosen the Speculative Fiction field as my particular brand, and I'm sure many think I indeed live in a horrified futuristic fantasy world.

I don't live in a horrified futuristic fantasy world.

But, I do use my writing to try to understand, to fix, to  explain my World through the elements of horror, science speculation, and the mythical elements of the Human Experience.

And the best way for me to accomplish this as a Writer is to follow these Seven Steps, which I've been doing instinctively since that life-changing counseling session.

Me so happy!

I just feel so happy having found concrete proof that I'm really okay with Life, the Universe, & Everything--which includes my Writing Life.

Description or Scenework: The Paradox of Story Telling

Description vs. Scenework. Hmmm . . . .

I've been told since day one of the first creative writing class I took and I pay many dollars a year to attend (and I've been paid many dollars to present at) conferences where I am reminded (and I remind others) ad naseum to write in scenes.

Perhaps if I wrote my scenes the way artists painted Good Girl Art covers for those steamy potboiler pulp novels of the 1950s, I'd be able to quit my day job, eh?

When I write a scene, do I view the scene as though I am writing a textbook or putting on a stage play?

Some tales I've read lately go into great protracted descriptive verbiage as though we, the readers, were sitting in our comfy chairs in our parlors in the 19th Century with no other distractions other than the occasional whippoorwill outside our collective windows and little more to do with our time except read long-winded descriptions of the setting, the characters, the time, et cetera.

I know. I wrote such a scene in my WIP YA fantasy tale “Barmaglot”. Worse yet, it was the opening nine pages!

My eagle-eyed critique partner pointed that out to me. I had written fine protracted purple prose. I was quite proud of my wordmanship and expertise with broadsword sentences and extravagant razor-sharp adjectives.

I should have used a dagger instead—quick, simple, efficient, to the point, and much more deadly, as well as (often) unseen until it’s too late.

I thought I had learned my lesson.

In a WIP short story I’m slicing out now, I had what I thought was a strong, well-written paragraph, but something about it bothered me. I showed it to my teaching partner at school, and she was frustrated with the long paragraph, actually a single 60-word sentence broken up by a serious of commas.

All the commas were used properly and sitting in their proper places.

But the scene was exhausting to read.

“Break it up,” she said.

“You don’t like it? I think it conveys the idea nicely.”

“Well, obviously you think something is wrong with it, or you wouldn’t have shown it to me.”

She was right, of course, as usual.

I went back and broke up the long single 60-word sentence into several short, choppy sentences, and the scene tightened up immediately. It gave the reader a sense of hurried walking, which is what I was trying to do with the elongated sentence.

I love the theatre and acting and plays. I’ve written a couple of one-act dramas and still envision a play I’ve written being performed in regional theatre and then on off-off Broadway and then off Broadway and, finally, on Broadway! (Dream big or don’t dream at all.)

After the experiences of my critique partner and my teaching partner, I realized I needed to approach a scene in my novels and short stories the way I would approach a scene in a stage play—action and dialogue to move the story forward and avoid long rambling description, prolonged narrative, and extensive character exposition.

If the scene doesn't play out on stage, it doesn't play out on paper.

Description is necessary in telling a story in written form as a reader only views the setting, characters, and actions through the written word, unlike a stage play or movie.

However, the 19th and early 20th Centuries are long gone and buried with them are the multitude of paragraphs and proliferation of pages of protracted descriptive prose.

Today’s readers just won’t sit through such verbiage. Unless they are being held hostage on the tarmac of a shut-down airport or spending a very long two-day weekend with in-laws they prefer to see as victims of a major crime.

I’ve striving to achieve a happy medium: description with an emphasis on scenework rather than description apart from scenework. The two must be imbued as much as possible if the story is to move along and keep the reader engrossed and entertained and turning those pages and buying my next Great American Novel.

From now on, I'm using a dagger when I write my scenes rather than a broadsword. Using a dagger rather than a broadsword when writing scenes allows me to sneak in the bladed information before my victim (my reader) knows what has happened.

See you on the bookshelves.

Take care,
Larry Mike Garmon

Curdling Up to a Prologue

The Prologue—ah, yes, the writer’s device by which he can begin his story twice within the span of several pages.

The Prologue is often employed because the writer believes his real beginning, that ubiquitous Chapter One, is all too weak to fully grasp the reader by the eyeballs and pull him into an engrossing story.

The solution to a weak Chapter One? Add the life-saving Prologue to sex up the story, provide teasers, tantalize the reader, interest that agent or editor.

For my present project, “Barmaglot”, a YA fantasy, I actually wrote two Prologues.

The first was a rambling fluff prose scene from the middle of the novel. The scene is repeated word-for-word at a crucial point of the story about 2/3s of the way into the tale.

I submitted this first Prologue for critiquing at a conference, and while my editor liked my story concept, she told me to get rid of the Prologue and just start with the story itself. I had never before heard that advice (or I wasn’t listening closely enough).

I got rid of the first Prologue but wrote a second as I didn’t feel Chapter One was exciting enough to begin the tale.

The second Prologue for “Barmaglot” was a literary trailer of sorts, a scene that didn’t appear anywhere in the story but only provided an interesting set of background events to lure the reader into reading further. This second Prologue had nothing to do with the actual beginning of the story, but I wrote it because I thought, “Ah, ha! This will get the reader interested enough to hook him into the story and, therefore, by the time he gets to Chapter One, he’ll be sufficiently hooked as to want to read the rest of the tale.”

My novel "Return of Evil" (Scholastic, ISBN-13: 978-0439208468) actually had three different beginnings--a two-part Prologue and then a Chapter one.

The first half of the Prologue was set at night.

The second half of the Prologue jumped back in the past some 24 hours.

The third beginning started at the present time of the story as Chapter one.

My editor told me it was a difficult way to start a novel but that it made sense, so she left it alone.

I don't advise beginning a novel in such away, and I wouldn't write the beginning of "Return of Evil" in the same way.

Instead, today I'd begin "Return of Evil" as Anna Myers begins her "Time of the Witches" (Walker Books, ISBN-13: 978-0802798206).

Anna begins "Time of the Witches" with Chapter One but hides a bit of a prologue in the beginning of the chapter as the narrator explains the difficult circumstances of her birth. This "prologue" is expanded upon later in the novel when the narrator is told the difficult circumstances of her birth by the midwife who birthed her years earlier.



I’ve tossed both Prologues to “Barmaglot” like a person spits out soured milk when he drinks it not realizing the milk has curdled.

Also, one of my novels being shopped around now (“The Calamari Code”) originally had an exciting Prologue, one I liked very much. I originally put the novel on the market with the Prologue firmly and snuggly attached to the beginning. The scene in the Prologue is repeated much later in the novel, but in a shortened form, and I was relying on my reader to remember the exciting events of the Prologue some 150 pages earlier.

What was I thinking?

When I sent out the query and the first ten pages of “The Calamari Code” on its third round of agents and editors, I tossed the Prologue with all the enthusiasm of ending a bad relationship.

And, ta-da! Surprise: Less than two weeks later, I got two requests for the entire novel within hours of each other.

To Prologue or Not to Prologue, that is the question.

A Prologue is often background material, a set-up of the past to foreshadow future events or a setting that will appear somewhere in the story at a later period whereby the reader now fully understands the significance of the Prologue itself.

It’s a matter of preference and there are no hard and set rules; however, if the reader can get right to the story without wading through a Prologue, wading through background, the story moves more quickly.

If the Prologue is a scene repeated later in the story, the reader may skip over the repeated scene not realizing additional information may be contained within the re-minted scene, and the last thing a reader wants is a reader skipping through his story.

That’s like a person watching a movie and using the fast forward button to skip through the slower and, often, more boring parts of a film.

I watched the movie “Vantage Point” and about the umpteenth time the assassination scene was shown from another character’s point of view, I had had enough and kept saying, “Just get the Hell on with the story all ready! I get your point. Geez!” Three quarters of the movie is pure Prologue.

The actual story in “Vantage Point” makes up about 25 minutes of the movie. The other 65 minutes is Prologue repeated ad nauseam from different vantage points of various characters. After the third vantage point, I was bored.

Prologues are used on three occasions. Adding a Prologue to a story depends on “when” the Prologue takes place.

1. If the Prologue’s an event in the past that has ramifications on the present events of the story, why not just call it “Chapter One”, give it date, and then segue into “Chapter Two—The Present”?

2. If the Prologue is used as a teaser for something that will happen later in the story, then it slows down the action of the story’s real beginning.

3. If the Prologue is a past event used to give clues to the story in its present setting, then you can just add that information where it comes into play in the story and eliminate the Prologue and “Just get on with it”, as Monty Python would say.

Essentially, what a writer is doing when he places a Prologue in his story is writing Two Beginnings—he’s working twice as hard to hook the reader. If the story is not hook-ish enough with one beginning, Two Beginnings ain’t gonna make it any more interesting.

The three Prologues I wrote for my two novels did help me to understand my story and establish setting, characters, and voice. The three Prologues served a purpose, but they served my purpose and not necessarily the purpose of the reader.

The three Prologues were actually short stories without the resolution of conflict—which is not a bad thing, but why not just get on with telling the tale?

Prologues are like a musical’s Overtures—a brief interlude to allow the audience to seat itself, to quiet itself, to get itself ready to enjoy an intriguing tale told in song and dance. The Overture gives snippets of the musical pieces to come, but the Overture is not the musical story and is unnecessary to the overall plot of the musical tale itself.

If the orchestra never played the Overture, the story would still be judged and stand on its own merits. No lover of stage musicals or critics ever commented on or like/disliked the musical based upon the Overture, only on the over all story itself.

Prologues like Overtures are unnecessary, overused, and abused.

To repeat Monty Python: “Let’s get on with it!”

So, where do I begin my story?

“The Sound of Music” answers that question:

Maria:
Let's start at the very beginning
A very good place to start
When you read you begin with

Child (Gretyl):
ABC

The Naked Writer 02: Goosing the Reader

Why are you reading this particular blog?

Was it the title?

Perhaps this blog is just one of many on your list, and you're looking for a few blogs about writing that appeal to you as a fledgling author or an experienced author like me who likes to be juiced every now and then.

Perhaps you were exploring the blog-o-sphere and came across the title The Naked Writer, giggled a little as you imagined a writer sitting butt-naked in front of his or her computer (hopefully not in a leather chair!), and then decided to read the blog for perhaps a titillating description of the aforementioned naked writer, imagining him to be Brad Pitt or her to be Angelina Jolie.



Well, I goosed ya! I've given you a big goose pinch on the arse side of your salacious intellect and, so far, I haven't gotten my face slapped across the blog-o-sphere.

The Goosed Ya Factor is at the heart of all good writing because the end result of all good writing is to be read by readers.

And the Goosed Ya Factor begins with the first word of the first sentence of the first paragraph of the first page of the first chapter. It's emotionally and intellectually goosing the reader into saying, "Oh!" in a silent, mental shrill.

Goosed Ya begins when the reader has forgotten about the author and has begun concentrating on the story from the opening sentence.

From the time we are children, we are told, "Look don't touch."

We can't help touching, though. We're tactile beings. We're attracted to something, and we want to touch it. Even people. Such touching, however, will get us into trouble at the mall, on the bus, or in the subway.

Writers like readers. Readers help us to make a living. But, we've got to get their attention from the beginning, to leave a good impression with the reader so the reader reads on.

As writers, we don't do anything normally. Instead of walking up to our readers and saying, "Hi, I'm So-and-So," we goose them with words—images evoking emotions—and hope they will like the pleasant conversation (story) that follows.

The following are the opening sentences to both newer and older works. Each of these has the Goosed Ya opening, the sentence that immediately causes the reader to want to read the next sentence and the next sentence after that. Can you name the stories that have the following Goosed Ya openings?

1. "Where's papa going with that ax?"
2. "It was a dark and stormy night."
3. "On the whole of dull dark and soundless day in the autumn of the year when the clouds hung oppressively low . . . ."
4. "Call me Ishmael."
5. "Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much."
6. "Get your hand off my breast!"
7. "The first time I met him?"
8. “Something was about to happen. Nona, Archangel of Nth, could feel it in her bones. She sat on the edge of the cloud strumming her lute and wondering what the day would bring.”
9. "It was a pleasure to burn."

You'll notice that quotes 1, 4, 6, and 8 begin with an action.

Quotes 2 and 7 tell us immediately we're going to be reminiscing. Also, quote 2 is a writer's joke and any writer who has study his craft will recognize the jest Madeleine L'Engle is making.

Quotes 3, 5, and 9 present a specific and interesting scene or person or thought.

Quote 4 not only begins with the action word "Call" but also introduces the main character as well as the entire theme of the work to follow in three words by using a Biblical allusion!

Quote 7 is a question in response to previous question: from whom? The reader, an unknown friend?

Also, quote 8 is an invitation. For whom is the invitation? The reader or a character in the story?

Answers:

1. Charlotte's Web, E.B. White
2. A Wrinkle in Time, Madeleine L'Engle
3. "The Fall of the House of Usher", Edgar A. Poe
4. Moby Dick, Herman Melville
5. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, J.K. Rowling
6. See the end of this blog for the answer to this one.
7. The Greatest Miracle in the World, Og Mandino
8. See the end of this blog for the answer to this one also.
9. Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury

I must admit: as I wrote this blog entry, I couldn't remember the answer to Quote 7. I thought and thought and thought; still, the answer wouldn't come to me.

I remembered the story in its entirety: The opening, the middle, and the end. I have the image of a red rose against a snowy background. An old man teaches a younger man. I remembered the story left me a little sad but wiser and helped to fill a void in my life at that time. I remembered the author's name, did a web search, and then perused the various reviews of his best selling books until I hit upon the book that reminded me of the title to which that particular quote, "The first time I met him?", belonged.

That's the Goosed Ya Factor. I had been so impressed with the opening and then the entire story that I had remembered the story and had forgotten the book and the author.

That's good writing.

The Goosed Ya Factor focuses immediately on the characters and the story to follow not the author and his worldview.

Look at your opening: do you have that Goosed Ya Factor in whatever you're working on now?

Recently, one of my critique partners chided me—correctly, of course—for not having the Goosed Ya Factor in my present novel. In fact, she told me she had gotten to Page Nine before she even knew what the story was about. She was correct of course, and I am grateful for her insight and her patience in sticking with my story through eight pages of protracted purple prose.

I’ve tossed the first eight pages my novel and have rewritten the opening chapter, and I’m quite pleased with the result.

How does your story begin? Thusly?

"The sky was an angry gray that soon turned into a dark frown of rumbling thunder."

That's the author speaking, becoming visible and showing off his ability to type adjectives about the weather and not use his skill to evoke a tell-tale story.

I like storms. I like personification. I even like mixed metaphors when they are presented humorously.

However, I like people more than clouds and thunder and metaphors, and I'd rather read about the angry gray expression and dark frown of a person than get a weather report.

But, I hear you saying, “I’m establishing mood.”

Poe established mood with his weather opening of “The Fall of the House Usher”. Poe was quite popular. Poe will be studied long after we are dead and our scribblings forgotten. But, Poe wrote in the first half of the 19th Century for an audience who spent hours reading, and Poe didn’t compete against television, radio, the Internet, networking, video games, TiVO, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

Even Shakespeare expends much stage energy discussing the weather in his plays, especially his tragedies.

However, if Poe and Shakespeare were alive today, they would be different writers—still great writers, but different from their 19th Century and 16th Century personas.

Indeed, they would begin their stories and plays much differently because both Poe and Shakespeare wrote to be read by giving their respective audience what it collectively wanted to read and see.

"Harley Simmons awoke with an angry gray scowl that turned into a dark frown as he turned over to find she was gone again."

The author has just goosed me. My "Ya Just Goosed Me!" curiosity is now aroused. I can imagine all sorts of scenarios to follow, and none are too pleasant, I might say.

Not only am I presented with an immediate conflict that will lead to a future confrontation, but I have been presented with past history as well with the simple addition of the adverb again.

And why is Harley awaking "with an angry gray scowl"? Did he go to bed angry? Did he have a bad dream? Did they have bad sex? Does he naturally wake up angry? Or, did he go to sleep the previous night expecting to wake up to find "her" gone and, therefore, not only has he awaken in a foul mood, we can assume he went to bed in a foul mood and slept in a foul mood and had foul dreams.

Uh-oh. Big trouble brewing.

To be honest, I don't know what happens next. I just made that up as an example of the difference between a meteorologist turned writer and writer who wants to be published by, first and foremost, attracting the attention of an agent or an editor.

Author's Note:

Quote 6: "Get your hand off my breast!" is from one of my short stories called "The Turning Away" and it refers to fried chicken.

Quote 8: “Something was about to happen. Nona, Archangel of Nth, could feel it in her bones. She sat on the edge of the cloud strumming her lute and wondering what the day would bring.”
is from my angel fantasy novel Exaltation.

I know what you're thinking: This guy must think he's really something to include himself among those great authors!

My only reply to your astonished indignation is, Hey, it's my blog!

Until next time: Keep writing.

See you on the bookshelves.

Larry Mike Garmon

That That Is Is That That Is Not Is Not

One of my favorite movies when I was a bit younger was Charly, loosely based on Daniel Keyes’ short story and novel “Flowers for Algernon”.

We used to teach “Flowers for Algernon” in high school freshman and sophomore English classes. I think political correctness has banned it from the student experience as I haven’t seen it in a lit text book in many years.

To the point, during one scene in the movie, Charly Gordon the scientists stand Charly in front of a chalk board and give him a grammatical problem to solve and to gage his IQ.

Charly has an IQ of 68 and has been chosen as a human guinea pig for a new drug designed to increase human intelligence and do away with mental retardation. (Yes, Stephen King ripped off the story in his “Lawnmower Man”.)

Here’s the grammatical problem that so frustrated the slow-witted Charly:

that that is is that that
is not is not is that
it it is

When he first sees it, Charly has no clue what the hell he’s supposed to do let alone what the words mean.

Neither did the audience—including a 13-year-old me.

And “that” is the subject of this Self-Editing 101.

Writers, both experienced and neophyte, use the word “that” as though they are paid extra for every “that” thrown into a sentence.

As with “to Be”, “that” is overused and often abused.

Okay, here’s the real boring part: reminding you how the word “that” functions in an English sentence—in other words, Grammar Time:

Use “that”

1. to introduce a restrictive clause
2. as a demonstrative pronoun
3. as a complementizer

Examples:

1. Restrictive clause = I saw two movies yesterday: one that was exciting and the other one that was boring.
2. Demonstrative Pronoun = That was excellent. (referring to the movie)
3. Complementizer = I hope that you bring your books and pencil to class.

Now, open up any three pages of your latest opus and do a “Crtl+F”.

Type “that” in the “Find what:” window and hit “Highlight” and then click on “Highlight All”. (I’m assuming you’re using a version of MS-Word. Open Office also has this feature.)

Does your text glow with the yellow highlight?

Each of the above examples is a perfectly well-written and grammatically correct English sentence.

However, if these three sentences appeared one after the other, the use of “that” becomes annoying and numbing to the mind.

Readers—especially our modern, text-driven readers— don’t read sentences so much as “skip” through sentences.

Complicated, long, rambling, and wordy sentences may demonstrate the writer’s cleverness of language, but such sentences numb today’s harried reader.

Redundancies of semi-ambiguous words such as “that” have the same effect.

Using “that” so often is also another example of the lazy writing habits often accepted by teachers, editors, writers, and readers.

Each of the three examples can be written and read with understanding without “that”:

1. I saw two movies yesterday: an exciting one and a boring one.
2. The movie was excellent.
3. I hope you bring your books and pencils to class.

Look at all those yellow highlighted “that”s in your manuscript. Take out as many as possible or even rewrite sentences to tighten up your sentences while keeping your meaning clear and precise.

The hardest “that” to get rid of is the “that” used as the Demonstrative Pronoun, and you shouldn’t, really, especially in character dialogue.

Demonstrative Pronouns are necessary and not as evilly overused as the Restrictive and Complentizer Pronouns. The Demonstrative Pronouns include “that”, “this”, “which”, and “who” (as well as their plurals).

Demonstrative and Personal Pronouns prevent passages such as the following:

I like Citizen Kane. Citizen Kane is an excellent movie. Citizen Kane inspired me to write stories in a non-linear style. I recommend everyone not only see Citizen Kane but read the screenplay Citizen Kane as well.

Egad.

I like Citizen Kane. That is an excellent movie. It inspired me to write stories in a non-linear style. I recommend everyone only see Citizen Kane but read its screen play as well.

Charly is quite a sad story and movie. I finally understood the meaning of the word “catharsis” after seeing that movie. I even found and read the book, which saddened me even more.

At one point in the story, I am cheering for Charly. After a few weeks on the “smart” drug, he confronts the chalkboard and its enigmatic grammatical message.

Without hesitation, he solves the grammatical problem and walks away, leaving the scientists in awe of his dramatic increase in intelligence:

that that is is that that
is not is not is that
it it is

That, that is, is. That, that
is not, is not. Is that
it? It is.

I Crow for the Cock

I am usually awake before 4:30 AM. I developed this habit during the National Novel Writing Month in November 2009. I had to.

I teach high school senior English as well as Comparative Mythology and Speculative Fiction.

Plus, I teach a freshman composition class at the local junior college.

I don’t have much spare time.

I’ve tried writing when I get home after school, but it’s a pain in the ass.

My brain is fried by the end of the day. I’m physically and mentally exhausted from dealing with hundreds of high school seniors who would rather do anything but study Hamlet or write documented essays or even bring a pencil to class.

The administration is only interested in holding me accountable that every student meets the minimum state requirement for graduation—those very students who think I’m something of a taskmaster for requiring them to bring a pencil to class.

It’s as though someone has attached a set of jumper cables to the left and right sides of my brain and then drained all the emotional, creative, physical, and spiritual energy out of me.

So, as NaNoWriMo 2009 approached, I determined I would get up early to write before heading off to Placebo High and then use the evening for revisions, some writing, and planning out the next scene in my story.

It worked. I wrote over 67,000 words in 30 days.

Now I’m in a massive revision phase while getting my next story underway.

I have three morning alarms.

The digital clock with the red-lit numbers is set 20 minutes faster than American Central Time, and although the clock’s face reads 4:20 when the radio alarm sounds, it’s really only 4 AM. I usually hit the 9-minute snooze twice before finally getting up.

I’ve notice lately, though, I’ve been getting up when the alarm sounds the first time.

My second alarm comes from my cell phone. Set at the correct time, it chimes at 4:30 AM—Pachelbel's Canon in D major. This composition is one of my favorite tunes, and hearing it five mornings a week sets my mood for taking on the writing task at hand.

I usually read my subscribed blogs first, check the news, check the emails, and let my mind and body adjust to wakefulness.

I’ve thought about adding some morning exercises to my routine, but one thing at a time.

Then I write. Usually until 6:30 AM. That’s when the third alarm sounds to remind me I have a daytime job for which I need to prepare.

I laugh at my students who drag themselves into my morning classes, who are tired from having played video games until 4:30 AM. I am proud to boast to them that I was getting up to start my day when they were going to bed.

A few weeks ago I had to get up at 3:30 AM as I had rough drafts of senior research papers to read through, and I didn't want to take time away from my writing.

"My God," a fellow teacher said to me. "Why in Hell do you get up so early?"

My simple answer: "My greatest nightmare is that when I retire from teaching I find myself wearing a blue vest with a name tag IDing myself as 'Mike' and saying to the kids that come through the door, 'Would like a smiley face sticker, little girl?'"

To me, some things in life are much worse than getting up at 4 AM to fulfill my life's desire of writing.

Someone has chickens not far from my house. About an hour after I have already started my day, I hear the cock crow.

I just smile.

For whom does the Cock crow? Not for me. I crow for the Cock.

Crafty Critique Partner Wanted--Honesty (w/Compassion) a Must

Why do I feel like I'm on one of those dating sites looking for that special partner/buddy?

Egad.

Last fall, I had the honor of being a presenter at the 2009 SCBWI-OK conference in September.

Listening to Cynthea Liu and Tami Sauter´s presentation on Revision 4-1-1 was rewarding, and this old dog learned a few new tricks, as always.

However, I was quite jealous of the critique partner relationship so evident between the two. So, I´ve decided to advertise for my own special critique buddy.

Subscribing to the principle that honesty without compassion is cruelty, anyone who is considering applying for the job should know that I have two ultimate goals as a writer: to produce the best literature I can and to help others produce the best literature they can.

Mike McQuay was my writing mentor in the late ‘80s and early ‘90s. He died of a heart attack in 1995. He helped me to focus my talents as a writer. The best critique he gave was about a short story of which I was quite proud. I was proud of my plot, my cleverness of word play, and the ingenious way in which I ended the story. I just knew Mike would tell me that he had contacted his agent and publisher about what a writing genius I was.

"This is shit," Mike said when he gave me back my story. "You either need to get serious about writing as a career, or just give it up."

I went home and cried. I also got quite pissed off at his bluntness (anybody who knew Mike will remember he came across as quite arrogant and a bit insensitive).

So, through the tears and the bludgeoned ego, I wrote another story. I´d prove to that S.O.B. I could write a well-crafted story, and then I´d tell him to cram his story course up his arse.

Two weeks later, Mike handed back my short story and said, "Damn. I wish I´d written that."

I was quite humbled indeed. I didn´t punch him like I wanted to do originally. I just took my short story, sat back down, and then took notes of his lecture for that evening.

Don´t worry: if you apply for the job and pass the interview, I won´t be as blunt as Mike. I will, however, be compassionately honest in both praise and suggestions, and I’d expect nothing less in return. After all: getting your work and my work PUBLISHED isn’t everything—it’s the ONLY THING!

So, here´s my ad for a critique partner:

Young Adult Speculative Fiction writer in need of critique partner--doesn´t have to be a Spec Fic writer or a published author--just someone with a passion for the art and craft of story telling--with emphasis on CRAFT.

Writing samples upon request and please send samples of your best writing.

I´m a 27-year veteran high school and college English teacher with master´s work in creative writing I´ve had 14 YA novels published by Scholastic and Simon and Schuster, but that doesn´t mean I´ve arrived by any ways or means.

Please respond to Talewright@GMail.com

Thank you.