Currying Favor with Salmon (Is it Sal-mon or Sa-man?)

The 44th Annual OWFI conference is in two weeks. It's theme is Story Weavers, and we've got some great folk coming to speak and teach.

I have been blessed to be one of the shepherds, and I get to shepherd the remarkable Chuck Sambuchino--pick him up at the airport, make sure he has what he needs at the conference, introduce him at the sessions, and make sure he makes his flight at the end of the conference.I’ve read his blog for quite some time, and am excited about finally meeting him.Being a writer is more than just writing. It’s about service as well. I’ve always done something at the OWFI conferences I’ve attended--volunteering to be a shepherd at the first one before I even knew anyone or knew what OWFI was all about.

I had to miss last year’s OWFI for personal reasons, and I vowed then I wouldn’t miss another one no matter the reason short of life-or-death.

The speakers/presenters who come to OWFI conferences are highly impressed with the professionalism and personableness of OWFI folk, and it’s people like the shepherds and other volunteers that make it so.

Sometimes, OWFI is a speaker’s or presenter’s first visit to Oklahoma. It’s up to me (and the others) to make sure they leave knowing they are welcomed, appreciated, and a part of our OWFI family.



The last time I was a shepherd I got to usher the knowledgeable Josh Getzler around. I remember he had an impromptu session at the bar after Saturday’s duties were done. During our friendly talks between sessions and such, I had learned of Josh’s enjoyment of a particular drink, and while wide-eyed writers were picking Josh’s well-honed brain about the writing business and craft I was whispering to a few what his favorite drink is, and Josh was quite surprised when a refreshed beverage showed up in his hand every few questions.

Currying favor with those who are successful in our little profession is very important, not simply for the sake of self-serving desires, but because it’s the nice thing to do.
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Larry Mike's Curry Mustard Salmon Patties

• 1 can (16 ounces) salmon
• 1 medium onion, finely grated
• 2 tablespoons minced fresh parsley
• ¼ tsp ground black pepper
• ½ tsp curry
• ¼ tsp cayenne pepper
• 1 tsp dry mustard
• ¼ tps garlic
• 2 large eggs, well beaten
• 1 to 1 1/2 cups fine dry bread crumbs
• 3 tablespoons butter
• 3 tablespoons shortening

Preparation:

1. Turn salmon and ¾ liquid into a medium mixing bowl.
2. Flake with a fork, removing OR mashing any bones (they are edible).
3. Mix in onion, parsley, mustard, garlic, curry, cayenne pepper, and pepper.
4. Mix beaten eggs with salmon.
5. Add enough bread crumbs, about 1/2 to 3/4 cup, to make thick enough to shape into 12 small patties.
6. Roll patties in 1/2 cup bread crumbs.
7. In a large heavy skillet over low heat, melt 2 tablespoons of butter; add patties.
8. Fry patties slowly on one side; add remaining butter, turn patties, and fry until brown on the other side.

Serves 6.

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The Writing Profession is a Family Business. We are brothers and sisters in a craft as old as humankind. Some of us, though, have forgotten this. Some of us have forgotten that making and keeping friends--writers, agents, editors, publishers--is important.

The best selling book rarely makes it up the list without “family” help.

To some “currying favor” is brown nosing, sucking up, and selling out.

As I writer who has had some modicum of success, I still curry the favor of others, not just for the sake of doing something to please them to meet my own means but because I’m a friendly guy with some talent and drive and I realize that I need others to help me along in my craft.

Besides, it’s just the nice thing to do.

No man is island. No writer is wholly successful solely by his own efforts.

Eat well.
Write well.

Larry Mike

The Non-Revision Revision

October 1998: As the Holiday Season approached, I was inspired to write a Christmas tale based on a children's card game called The Wish.

The story's basic plot, the characters, the setting--all began to formulate as I drove from Altus, Oklahoma, to Marlow, Oklahoma, five days a week to teach school, a 172 mile round trip--three hours a day.

Plenty of time to think.

As Halloween approached, the Holiday Season began to blanket me, and the Christmas story wended its way through my brain.

I called the story 'The Wish'. I talked the local newspaper into serializing the story. Two chapters a week were published with the climatic final chapter published on Christmas Eve.

The local newspaper and I received many positive responses from readers, especially children. A few parents said they had cut out the chapters, scrapbooked them, and intended to read the story each Christmas. Some children wanted to know where they could buy the special cards the protagonist used in the story to play the card game The Wish, the same game the protagonist plays and the major plot catalyst for the tale.

After that serial run, I literally handmade several copies of the tale for family for Christmas 1998--this was before the days of PoDers such as Lulu and CafePress.

But, the story went dormant in my files. I had intended to send the tale on the rounds of agents and Houses, but something about the story just didn't feel right.

Halloween 2010: I was thinking about another addition to my previously self-published 'Mr. Creepers Presents FearyTales-Vomit 1'. I had PoDed several copies of 'Feary Tales Vomit 1' from Lulu and gave to family and friends as a 2008 Halloween treat. As I was thinking of the tales to include in 'Feary Tales Vomit 2', I was inspired to pull out 'The Wish', revise it, and make it available for Christmas 2010.

End of school finals, grading essays, the addition of two Grandchildren coming to live with us, and other erstwhile distractions didn't allow me the concentration I needed to put forth a valiant and earnest effort into the tale. So, I put 'The Wish' aside until things settled down, and I had more time.

When my two grandchildren, Caleb and Kyleigh, came to live with us, I decided to read the original version of 'The Wish' to them as their bedtime story, a chapter each night until Christmas Eve.

One night, after I finished reading a chapter of 'The Wish', and after I hugged and kissed the Grands good-night, Kyleigh said, "I want some cards like Angela has." (Angela's the protagonist of 'The Wish'.) "I want to play the Wish game and win a Christmas wish like she did. And I know what I would wish for."

I told Kyleigh I'd think about it.

As I closed the bedroom door, I thought to myself 'Why not?' I had always thought a set of cards as described in the tale would be a nice addition to go along with the book.

Designing, printing, trimming, and making the cards obsessed me for three days. During this spate of non-writing creative activity, the cards I was making for Kyleigh took on a life of their own and looked less and less like the cards I had described Angela had used in the book to get her Christmas wish.

As the cards evolved, the story walked up to the edge of my mind, did a perfect swan dive into the folds of my brain, delved into the deep abyss of dream thought, and then swam through the sea of synapses until it finally came to rest on the sands of Revelation Beach.

Ah, ha! Now I knew what the tale wanted me to do.

As I began to retool the story I soon realized the revision of 'The Wish' had begun not in the usual rewriting and editing of the tale but in the creation of the cards for Kyleigh. The cards told me a similar but better story and helped me to understand the basic problems with the original tale.

I learned three lessons from this:

1. The 'inspiration' for the revision would not have happened without Kyleigh's pleading to make The Wish cards. Plus, the timing was serendipitous as well: The crispness of the cold wind, the colors of the season, the smells of holiday food, the excitement and anticipation on the faces of Children--these only happen for a brief period. I've learned over the years that 'inspiration' does not always lead to Story or Story Revision, but it's a good place to start--to record feelings, events, fears, needs, wants, and dreams--to be quiet and listen to that still small voice.

2. For me, revision and hunger are synonyms--a bear hunting salmon during the spawning season--plenty of fish for the taking, but it's hard work that pays off only with tenacity, stamina, and stubbornness--and how hungry the bear is.

3. NOT actually rewriting the story is often better than trying to force myself to revise when there is no revision 'inspiration', no revision hunger. Making the cards for Kyleigh let me see the story from a different creative point of view, to explore avenues of plot and character, to understand motivation, and to begin the revision process.

Some writers paint, garden, photograph people/nature, restore old cars, and any number of activities not directly related to the craft of tell-tale story making, and such activity actually releases the creative hunger within them.

After the experience of making the Wish cards for Kyleigh, I'm determined to create things (games, cards, pictures, videos, faux newspapers--as in the 'NEVRLAND' tale) based on the story I am revising (or even writing) and open the sluice gates to allow different creative streams to contribute to the irrigational flow of Story Telling.

See you on the bookshelf.

Larry Mike

No Resolutions--A 'To Accomplish' List Instead

Yeah--

It's that time again--the perfunctory resolutions that look good on paper but which slowly fade as time and reality creep into the fibers.

So, my resolution is to make no resolutions.

Instead, I'm making a 'To Accomplish' List.I've read some writers are putting "Get Published in 2011" on their resolution lists.

Really? I wish getting published were that easy.

My 'To Accomplish' list doesn't have "Get Published in 2011".

Oh, I'm going to do all the right things to better my chances of getting published, but, ultimately, I know that actually getting published requires that a House somewhere out there wants to publish me. I'll make myself presentable, lovable, approachable, workable, amenable, punctual, and just down right adorable.

My job as a writer isn't "To Get Published". My job as a writer is to tell stories. Getting published is the reward for well-written tales and hard work, research, resolution, and stamina--not wishing.

If a writer is burning to get published, there are plenty of vanity and POD "houses" itching for such a writer's business. Hell, Tate Publishing needs another $4,000 from some publish-me-hungry writer.


My 'To Accomplish' includes finishing three novels I've been working on the past year, each with its own self-imposed deadline as well as two anthologies of short stories each based on a common theme. Sounds like an overload. Each task, though, is at the near completion stage, and I've been procrastinating about finishing any of them.

Entering writing contests is another "To Accomplish" goal. I've shied away from them--not because I was afraid of not winning, but because I was afraid to simply enter. It's like a runner who has talent and speed but is just too afraid to toe up to the starting line, or a talented surgeon who sweats bullets to make that very first cut.

Attending more writer meetings is on my 'To Accomplish' list as well. Living in Southwest Oklahoma is a bit like living on Mars, and if it weren't for email and the Internet, I wouldn't know what the hay was going on with the groups to which I belong. But, the Ethernet doesn't replace flesh and blood, and I not only want but need to be around other writers of like mind.

I started a writers group in SW-OK but with vacations and conferences, we only had two meetings. I've also got a creative writing club going at Altus High School with about 20 student members.

The more I'm around other writers, neophyte and professional, the more I want to write.

One way "To Accomplish" my goals is to actually Be A Writer. I read Carolyn See's "Making a Literary Life" a few years ago. I need to read it two or three times a year. So, I've started reading it again. I met Carolyn many years ago at a writers conference, and we've exchanged a few post cards since. The theme I get out of "Making a Literary Life" is that to Be A Writer I Must Live Like A Writer.

And that brings me to my next "To Accomplish" objective--read more. I teach high school English. I read constantly--student work, the works of the writers we're studying, reports, essays, research papers. By the time I get some time to myself, my eyes are crossed, my synapses have snapped, and my soul is exhausted.

I've found over the past few years that I have gotten away from reading just for the sake of reading. I read a few books this past year, but not near the number I want to read. Reading what others have published is to a writer what viewing game film of the opposing team is to an athlete. Read, read, read. That's what I tell my creative writing students. Good advice for me, too.

That's it.

I'm not actually making a list.

These "To Accomplish" objectives won't do me any good on a list. I've never been a "list" kind of guy. I prefer to mull and meditate so that what ever I have to accomplish becomes imbued with my heart and soul.

Putting these objectives on a list and posting them to the wall in front of my writing desk won't do me any good. After a while, the list will be absorbed by the wall and disappear, along with all the other lists and notes I have posted on the wall in front of my writing desk.

Oh, yeah: I'm raising two of my Grandchildren for the next 12 to 14 months while their father is deployed to Korea.

See you on the bookshelf.

Larry Mike

I'd Rather Dig a Grave for a Cat

I'm posting my blog on my web page from now on instead of WordPress, Blogger, and LiveJournal.

Here's an excerpt from the blog on my web page:

We all have a function and a purpose in life . . . and in death.

Each of us serves a different function and a different purpose in life . . . and in death.

The real trick is is to figure out which function and which purpose in life . . . and in death . . . we are serving at any given moment in Time and Space.

Click HERE to read the whole blog.

See you on the bookshelves.

Larry Mike

Staying Tuned to That Which is Around Me

Taking off from writing for over month has taken its toll.

I've enjoyed it, but it's time to get back to it. And I'm finding it a bit difficult to just plant butt to chair and pick up where I left off.

Not because I don't want to write, but because I have enjoyed Tuning In to the World around me so much that I don't want to spoil it by trying to capture it with feeble words and doggerel prose.

During my hiatus, I've been on a couple of adventures. I didn't write at all during that time. And I want more adventures without the added pressure of trying to capture it in scenes, conflict, dialogue, theme, and resolution.

I merely observed and absorbed.

I listened, smelled, touched, tasted, and saw.

I was awed by it all.

I got in tune with the World and Life again without the worry of "How would I describe this sound, smell, texture, taste, and sight in a story."

I just enjoyed the Time and the Place.

When we were at the Grand Canyon, Nadya, my wife, commented, "Pictures just cannot capture how beautiful it is."

And I thought, "Neither can words."

However, that's our jobs as writers and artists--capturing the Moment, the Time, the Place, the Essence as best as we can with the limited tools we've been given and trying to explain God, the Universe, and Every Infinite Thing with finite words.

And, yet, this inspires me to try to do just that--to reveal to others what I see, feel, hear, taste, and smell in my soul.

I've decided not to wait so long for my next re-Tuning. I need to be re-Tuned at least every four to six weeks.

To go somewhere and just experience without the thought of expression.

To absorb without worrying about wringing out the access.

To just Be.

See you on the bookshelves,

Larry Mike

The Conversation of Books over Time

I never heard the expression "the conversation of books over time" until my virtual friend Cynthia Leitich Smith introduced me to the phrase.

I had written to ask her if she would participate in an online conversation/interview with our newly formed Shortgrass Children & Young Adults Writers group and also to tell her about my latest project, NEVЯLAND.

She accepted the invitation, but she also noted that my project NEVЯLAND sounded like a couple of other books.

Normally, this wouldn't have bothered me: I know that the concept of "original" ideas is a faulty concept.

But, still, the idea of NEVЯLAND seemed so fresh and novel to me that I had it in my head that absolutely no one had come up with such a unique idea.

Then Cynthia guides to me to a couple of books written years ago that are similar to mine.

I was quite saddened, indeed, even crestfallen.

I had ensnared myself in my own self-made trap of ego and self-importance and made the blatant assumption that a story about the disappearance of adults as happens in NEVЯLAND was mine and mine alone.

Within minutes, I set my mind on dropping the project entirely and resume my YA dragon fantasy (which I had stopped because NEVЯLAND seemed so innovative and refreshing).

I became angry. I became depressed. I sat down with my wife and had a conversation about continuing or stopping the project all together--voiced in all the seriousness as one would if talking about getting a divorce.

I had known from the beginning that my idea for NEVЯLAND was not entirely original: Lord of the Flies, Home Alone, Peter Pan, and many other works had explored the idea of a world where Children are left on their own without the supervision and restrictions of adults.

However, NEVЯLAND was a fresh, bold look at this idea. The idea had gripped me like a long-lost lover, and the thought of letting go was devastating to me.

All because Cynthia told me about two other books she had read. I looked up the two books Cynthia had referenced. Egad. She was right.

Then as I read the synopses and even the first chapters of the books, I began to realize that NEVЯLAND, while similar, was quite different in conception and execution.

NEVЯLAND still had life.

I feverishly rewrote the first chapter--which had been written in third person from Laynie's point of view--to make it better and more unique than the two examples I had just read.

Now NEVЯLAND would be told in first person by Laynie.

Suddenly, new life was breathed into the story and the original flame and passion I had felt as I outlined the first book of NEVЯLAND engulfed me once again.

Then I got a very kind and needed note from Cynthia:

There's something called "the conversation of books over time." People make this huge deal out of ideas that are "totally original" and there really is no such thing. It's about what you bring to the circle of storytellers, stretching back to the first fires. Hm, that's sounds awfully poetic, but you see my point. If there was a wholly original story, NYC publishing would have no idea what to do with it, there would be no market, and people would probably remark on the author's stability/sanity.

I've never had Cynthia as a writing teacher, but as a virtual friend, she has been inspiring, caring, and motherly.

I met Peter S. Beagle in the fall of 2009, and he related the story how he felt parts of his best-seller and classic The Last Unicorn had plagiarized The Circus of Dr. Lao by Charles G. Finney, which Peter had read as a child.

After The Last Unicorn was published and Peter realized the similarities between parts of his book and Finney's book, he wrote to Finney, telling him he wasn't trying to plagiarize Dr. Lao.

Finney wrote back to tell Peter that he was amused and told Peter not to worry about it, this happens quite a bit to writers.

Even Cynthia said she had a similar experience with her first novel:

The year my first novel, RAIN IS NOT MY INDIAN NAME came out (and was in ARC), Carol Lynch Williams released CAROLINA AUTUMN. Both books are about girls who're photographers, healing after the death of a loved one (best friend/sister) and each chapter opens with a journey entry. The novels have a LOT of similar elements. But the executions are different. You know who noticed? Me and Carol.

Just recently, a NEVЯLANDer (those who are members of the NEVЯLAND Facebook Group page) said that NEVЯLAND had the same elements as a book called The Girl Who Owned a City published in the 1970s--another book with a similar story line I had never heard about.

This time, I just laughed.

Creative minds really do think alike, and story-tellers have been telling the same eight or nine stories since that first campfire.

As Cynthia so aptly and soothingly put it, it's what the story-teller brings to the campfire that's sets his/her story apart from the other, not the parts of the story.

After all, how many vampire stories have been told since Dracula or flesh-eating zombie movies been made since Night of the Living Dead or dystopia novels since We, Nineteen-Eighty Four, and Anthem?

From this point on I promise myself not to worry about originality of story but concentrate on originality of voice and bringing a different set of eyes to the campfire to awe those sitting around the embers.

See you on the bookshelves.

Larry Mike

PS: The very, very first story I ever wrote was a "novel" of ten pages when I was 9. It was about a t-rex that washes up on a beach and it spits radio-active fire and about the scientist named Mike who saves the world by killing this dinosaur. I had just seen Godzilla on the local Chiller horror show the week before. At that time, I didn't care that my story was similar to Godzilla--I just wanted to tell one hell-uv-a good story. And I've come full circle now.

NEVЯLAND—The Making of Literary Sausage

Dear Curious Reader:

Imagine watching Michelangelo paint the Sistine Chapel, starting with the blank ceiling, adding the outline to the figures of God and Adam at the moment of Human creation, and then as he slowly added hue and texture to each scene until he produced one of the greatest works of art in history—the story of Human creation and even destruction in one tiny space in the Universe.

Imagine listening to the first version of “Please, Please Me”, the Beatles first big hit. I’ve heard it. The original is slow, lumbering through a maudlin strain of boy-loves-girl teenage angst. It wasn’t very good until they sped it up and added tonal color to produce a celebration of boy-girl teenage love.

Or, imagine watching a building go up, from ground breaking through foundation laying to framing, and then finally the building is finished. We’re doing that now at Altus High School as we witness a nearly 80-year-old building being transformed to meet the needs of 21^st Century students.

And when the project is done—whether the Sistine Chapel, a great hit song, or a new building—it all looks like magic.

That’s what writing is—hard work that looks like magic in the end. Nathaniel Hawthorne said, “Easy reading is damn hard writing.”

And how many of us have read a good book and said, “That’s easy. I can do that.”

Lebron James makes “easy” clutch shots, eh?

Most readers don’t get the inside look at the making of a novel.

Maybe they shouldn’t. Maybe making a novel, like making sausage, isn’t something people should witness. I love sausage, but I really don’t want to see the butchering, the skinning, the gutting, hack-hack-hacking, and then the squeezing into the casings.

It’s not a pretty sight.

That’s what this is: NEVЯLAND—The Making of Literary Sausage.

I know what you're thinking: Wow! This guy is something else. He's comparing himself to Michelangelo, John Lennon and Paul McCartney, and Frank Lloyd Wright.

No. I'm just using those greats as examples to get your attention, to help those of you who are not writers better understand that no finished work of art or craft comes easily or appears as if by magic, that even the great artists and artisans start from a spark of an idea and go through the phases of butchering, skinning, hack-hack-hacking, and then squeezing into the casing to produce their best work..

Yes, I'm confident in my story—my characters, my plot, my conflicts, my over all scheme—enough so to share it with anyone who wishes to witness the making of NEVЯLAND from the beginning.

And I realize that others look at this confidence as arrogance or even conceit. So be it.

This is new to me, too. I'll stumble in the process. Unlike others, I'm stubborn enough to get up and keep troupering on until I reach the end, one way or another.

Will you like the story? Reading is subjective. Either you will like it or you won't. Or, you'll be stuck between liking and disliking. Maybe you won't like the way it is told. Maybe I use too many adjectives. Maybe I don't use enough adjectives. Maybe I don't show enough or I tell too much. We'll see.

Let me know what you think. You won't hurt my feelings. Well, maybe just a little, but I opened myself up to the slings and arrows.


Even cooks at five-star restaurants have their critics and detractors. I'm no different.

In my previous publications, I've received raves, and I've received rants. It happens. I live with the fact that not everybody will like me, like what I do, like what I create. And this gives me the freedom to go ahead and create freely without the fetters or manacles of popular opinion.


I do welcome feedback—both praise and problems. Something you may not know is that writers don't write in a vacuum. They workshop their tales, letting others read bits and pieces and wholes, receiving feedback, changing and shaping their tales until it's «readable».

While a writer writes first to please himself, he writes secondly (more importantly) to please the reader. A writer without a reader is like an ocean without a shore upon which to crash it's mighty waves majestically.

Here's the link: NEVЯLAND (RAW) Chapter 01


Read well. Read faithfully. Just Read.

Thank you for allowing me into your crowded space of time. I am most grateful and humbled indeed.

See you on the bookshelves.

Larry Mike

To Hell with Suspense

The genius of Story is not in how much a writer does, but in how little.

The job of a confident writer is not to include a single word to simply keep the reader’s attention.

He reduces each scene to its essence, and keeps the reader there just long enough for the reader to contemplate it, to inhabit it in Imagination.

To hell with suspense.

The reader wants understanding.

Story is not concerned with thrilling the reader, but with inspiring the reader with awe and wonder.

See you on the book shelves.

Larry Mike

13

1. Write bravely.
2. Write to get it written.
3. Write to polish your talent.
4. Write about nothing—it’s the only thing you’re truly expert at.
5. Write until someone pays you to write, and then write some more.
6. Write to make sense of nonsense and nonsense of sense.
7. My secret of writing? Butt to chair; finger tips to keys; mind to the matter at hand.
8. My story must have ideas bigger than a few hundred 6x9 pages sandwiched between a glossy cover.
9. I never find answers in my stories—when I write, I continually find more questions.
10. I’m elated when a reader is angry with what I’ve written—at the very  least I’ve elicited an emotional response. My worse nightmare is a reader who shrugs his shoulders and declares, “Eh.”
11. I’m like a duck on the water when I write: You see me cool and calm on the surface, but what you don’t see is me paddling like hell underneath to keep afloat and to keep going in a certain direction.
12. Most writers have a moral compass. The problem is  they are turning in every direction trying to find a directional point that helps them feel comfortable rather than simply following true North.
13. I breathe; therefore, I write.

See you on the bookshelves.
Larry Mike Garmon

My 10 Writing Virtures

The following sounds rather pompous and bombastic, but a writer's words should exceed his grasp, or what's a Heaven for (to paraphrase Browning). 

This actually came about from a list I made when thinking about what traits a character should possess--then I thought, "If Character should have virtue, so should Writer."

 
1. Morality—My personal code of conduct by which I choose to create Story and by which I live the Writing Life in the face of others’ laughter, mocking, derision, and jealousies. To build the Ark with the sound of derisive laughter in a cloudless sky.

2. Courage—My ability to confront pain, fear, and intimidation of rejection; facing and then charging into barriers of fire set by others to intimidate me; I insist to continue to create Story even in the face of certain defeat and with no guarantee of reward.


3. Benevolence—Giving of my talents, time, and knowledge to those who ask or need help as well as receiving the gifts of others who possess talents and knowledge I need to be successful.


4. Respect—Far exceeds my mere tolerance for another Writer’s work, genre, conduct, and success. My moral appreciation of and acknowledgment of the contribution and value of another Writer. By accepting the work of another Writer without prejudice, I place intrinsic value on my work, genre, conduct, and success.

 
5. Honesty—Truth not as a weapon but as a door through which Reader chooses to enter because of, rather than in spite of, my words. Truth is the foundation of Virtue and from which all other Virtues stem; for, even a truthful statement can have dishonest intentions.


6. Honor—A harmonic imbuement of Words and Actions, of Discourse and Deeds; a condition of Love that establishes and grounds my personal dignity and character.

7. Loyalty—Devotion to the craft and art of Writing more than the merits and rewards of Writing itself; Faithfulness not only to Story-Making but to my own skills, craftsmanship, talents, and desires.

 

8. Patience—A serenity I achieve in the face of the most strenuous circumstances in which I endure and overcome self-defeating doubt, long-term difficulties (both within and with out), and ignore the provocation of others without anger or annoyance.

9. Forgiveness—Giving up all claim to the offenses and shortcomings of others and, more importantly, my own offenses and shortcomings.

 

10. Knowledge in Action—Relying on the day-to-day, hard-working experience of application rather than vicarious experience of others to acquire expertise and skills as a Writer to better achieve practical understanding of Story-Making. Persistence, determined, and dedicated hard work is knowledge in action.



See you on the bookshelves.
Larry Mike Garmon

Unblurring My Religion

Pablo Picasso said, “There are painters who transform the sun to a yellow spot, but there are others who with the help of their art and their intelligence, transform a yellow spot into the sun.”

Right now, I'm in the process of unblurring spots--the jargon is "pre-writing", "outlining", "brainstorming", "fleshing out the story", "freewriting".

I've reached a point in my YA fantasy Barmaglot where the story has taken over the writing, and I'm little more than the fingers ticking the letters on the keyboard. Although I like the story very much and am quite pleased with the story, I'm pretty much done as far as the "writer" aspect is concerned.

This happens to me as I complete a project.

And my mind begins to grasp at the straws of creativity because it's doing little more than perfunctory work at this point.

And any straw will do, really.

I'm never at a loss for ideas. I stub my toe in the dark of morning, and before the pain reaches mid-throb, a whole novel flashes through my head about a guy stubbing his toe in the dark of morning and what kind of day he is about to experience.

But, straws of inspiration do not bricks of Story make. And I know this. Ideas are ideas and not Story.

Sometimes, though, a blade of straw stabs me as if it were thrown by an Oklahoma tornado and impales me with an idea that just won't let go.

That's where I'm at now. As Barmaglot heads to its destined conclusion, I'm impaled by an idea for my next Story.

And I don't call this phase of my writing "pre-writing", "outlining", "brainstorming", "fleshing out the story", "freewriting".

For me, it's unblurring my religion.

It's not a question of talent or determination or desire or even time.

It's a question of faith.

Story first appears to me in blurry visionary form with only crumbs of character here, snippets of scene there, and smidgens of story everywhere all floating around in the amniotic fluid of creativity.

All these little yellow spots dancing and swirling around me. Little yellow spots that require my art and my intelligence to be transformed into Sun, into Story.

One Story focuses itself into crystal clarity and another Story starts to focus itself, to unblur the spot into Sun.

And I'm at my happiest because this is where Story is revealed-- a process of discovery and revelation in the truest senses of those words. I am John of Patmos sitting in my lonely cave with the vision of the divine wrapping itself around me.

The genius of Story is not in how much a writer does, but in how little. The work of a sublimely confident writer is not to include a single word to simply keep the reader's attention. He reduces each scene to its essence, and keeps the reader there just long enough for the reader to contemplate it, to inhabit it in the imagination. Story is not concerned with thrilling the reader, but with inspiring the reader with awe and wonder.

To turn the yellow spot into Sun.

See you on the bookshelves.

Larry Mike Garmon

Get to Stirring the Waters, or Learn to Live with Mosquitoes

We're having visitors from Russia this summer. They're spending about two-and-one-half weeks with us.

Nadya and I are now planning what to do with them during their stay with us. After all, we're not only their friends, but we're their guides to the great American Southwest while they are here.

So, Nadya says to me, "I don't want you spending all your time back in your writing room with the door closed all day while they're here."

After all, I don't have much to do this summer: teach three college classes and prepare for SCBWI-Los Angeles and finish two novel projects. Not much at all!

In my witty, quippy manner I responded, "I'll leave my door opened."
Nadya gave one of those wifey looks that told me that retort was not the response she wanted to hear.

I then said, "If I had to got to work at an office with set hours, would you tell me not to go to work?"

She compromised. "Don't stay in your writing room all day."

"I won't. You know I'm up early (4:30 AM) , so I'll get my writing done by 10 or 11, and then I'll be the perfect host and guide."

She just looked at me with that wifey "I'll believe it when I see it" look.

When people meet me at conferences or workshops they exclaim how they could never get up so early to write. They ask me what time I go to bed. Usually between 9 and 12 PM, I respond.

I spent many years playing at being a writer. I'd use all the excuses one uses not to write, the same ones many writers I meet at conferences and workshops use to tell me why they cant' get up at 4:30 AM or tell me why they haven't written in a couple of days or a couple of weeks or a couple of months. Egad.

I wasted much, much time.

And now, I'm older. Much, much older than when I sold my first novel.

I don't feel I've moved forward much, though.

So, I'm up at 4:30 AM to write. Not to make up for what I consider lost time, but to put in the time I have left to move forward in my writing career.

Still waters may run deep but they also attract mosquitoes and other unwanted pests.

Time is a blood sucking pest the writer must learn to control and discipline, or get used to the pesty insect.

Three years ago I had a decision to make: Stir the waters, or learn to live with Mosquitoes.

Mosquitoes--what a marvelous metaphor for those pesky little guilty reminders that I'm not writing when I should be writing, I'm doing what I should be doing!

Writing requires a rigorous, disciplined schedule.

Inspiration is fine as a catalyst, but inspiration, like all bright flames burns out all too quickly.

The "inspired" writer throws everything he has into his "present"project--until the inspiration burns out.

Then he's left all alone wondering, "What now? I'm no longer inspired. This is becoming work. Hard work."

And the writing stops. The waters become still. Mosquitoes appear. A sense of lostness and failure swarm the writer, sucking the writer's blood from his soul.

The vast majority of successful writers have a set time to write, have a set number of pages/words/hours to produce per day/week/month, and who treat writing much as  their jobs, their businesses:

---being on time
---consistent schedule
---not missing days of writing because of "moodiness" or the drama of our daily lives
---ignoring the small demons of distraction (email, cells, Facebook, Twitter, Yahoo Groups, chat rooms, et cetera)
---working hard during the shift to produce a quality (and even quantity of) product
---and leaving satisfied at having put in a highly productive day.

And because they have been so productive and successful, they are able to concentrate on other activities other than work (writing) : family, friends, hobbies, networking, et cetera.

Am I slow burning, a-light-by-night oil or am I blinding-flash-gone-in-seconds gasoline?

Isn't writing, after all, first a job, a business, a profession?

I've sold 14 books for children and young adults, and I did it by not being inspired but by working hard and disciplining myself to work on those days when I didn't want to work at all, especially after a trying day of teaching, a bit of tiff with the wife, mowing the yard, cleaning dog poop from the grass, and getting a bill I hadn't expected to be as large as it was.

By getting up at 4:30 AM.

The success of writing is nothing more than blood, sweat, and tears, the hardest job you'll ever love.

Debbie Macomber

Just ask Debbie Macomber, who spent twelve years failing, almost losing the love of her life, toeing at the precipice of quitting more than once, sending her children to school in unfashionable clothes, and eating a lot of bologna.

Debbie didn't go from Zero books published in Oklahoma to 60 million books published world-wide by relying on her adrenaline alone: writing was the job she was born to do, and to do anything else would be to defy nature and God.

The glamor of the business of writing is in doing the job of writing itself--persistent writing that will pay off one way or another.

Thoughts?

See you on the bookshelves.
Larry Mike Garmon

The Perfunctory Blog Everyone Writes about WHAT I LEARNED at the SCBWI-OK Writer's Conference

It's all about the story.


See you on the bookshelves.

Larry Mike Garmon

My Name is Larry Mike, and I’m a Writer: Writing is Like an Addiction Step Program

Me angry young man!

Many years ago, in another life, I attended counseling sessions to help me through a particular rough time. I attended both personal and group counseling.

The group counseling was more of a lecture setting than a "Share with the group setting", which I enjoyed because I'm a copious note taker plus I hate "sharing with the group". Even as a high school student, I hated "working in groups"--either I ended up doing all the group work because I was placed with a bunch of slackers or I was placed in a group whose members were just as arrogant and know-it-all as I, and we all know that a nuclear reaction occurs  when a bunch of teen-age arrogant, know-it-alls are all grouped together.
Truth be told: I preferred the slacker-moron group to the know-it-all group.

But, I digress.

Fast forward like a TiVO to today.

Actually, last week.

During Spring Break, I spent much of my time cleaning my writing room and organizing my files. (You can  see pics of that adventure here.) I was going through old files and throwing trash formally labeled as "important stuff" away.

I re-filed and organized other "important stuff" I am still too attached to.

I came across one folder of papers that were yellowed and written with a hurried hand in pencil.

The same advice given to me during a counseling session to help me keep my life somewhat organized and sane are just as good for writing a story.

One particular leaf caught my attention. Here's what is written on it:

Step 1--describe the problem

Step 2--describe the results you want

Step 3-gather information

Step 4-think of alternative solutions

Step 5-choose the best solution

Step 6-implement the solution

Step 7-evaluate the results; make necessary changes

Reading these seven steps, I thought, What are my writing notes doing in with my counseling notes? I need to post these on my wall to glance at as I write when I reach those moments of indecision or so-called "writer's block".

I posted the note to my notes wall just to the side of my monitor and in my direct line of sight.

The Wall of Reminders

During the past week, I've been glancing at what I've now labeled "Seven Steps to Writing." The more I've glanced at it, the more I was puzzled about the note's origin.

I went through my files again and pulled out the folder in which I had found the note--the folder with my counseling notes. All the sheaves within the folder were the same yellowed and wrinkled sheets of three-holed notebook paper, and all the notes scribbled upon them were in the same hurried pencil scrawl.

Just like the now labeled Seven Steps to Writing.

Then I had one of those Holy Cow! epiphany moments.

These Seven Steps were written during a counseling session and provided by my counselor as a guide to help me to get my life together, organize myself, learn how to evaluate and overcome problems I'd be facing, and, generally, be as happy as possible and not stress out so much about every little thing.

And the reason why I thought the Seven Steps were misplaced from my writing notes file is because these Seven Steps apply to any Writing Life situation--whether fiction, non-fiction, poetry, or essay--as well as any living situation I might face.

I laughed--one of these I get it! laughs when a Life Truth tickles my soul--and my eyes saw Life, the Universe, & Everything a bit more clearly.

I don't live what I write but I write what I live.

I've chosen the Speculative Fiction field as my particular brand, and I'm sure many think I indeed live in a horrified futuristic fantasy world.

I don't live in a horrified futuristic fantasy world.

But, I do use my writing to try to understand, to fix, to  explain my World through the elements of horror, science speculation, and the mythical elements of the Human Experience.

And the best way for me to accomplish this as a Writer is to follow these Seven Steps, which I've been doing instinctively since that life-changing counseling session.

Me so happy!

I just feel so happy having found concrete proof that I'm really okay with Life, the Universe, & Everything--which includes my Writing Life.

Description or Scenework: The Paradox of Story Telling

Description vs. Scenework. Hmmm . . . .

I've been told since day one of the first creative writing class I took and I pay many dollars a year to attend (and I've been paid many dollars to present at) conferences where I am reminded (and I remind others) ad naseum to write in scenes.

Perhaps if I wrote my scenes the way artists painted Good Girl Art covers for those steamy potboiler pulp novels of the 1950s, I'd be able to quit my day job, eh?

When I write a scene, do I view the scene as though I am writing a textbook or putting on a stage play?

Some tales I've read lately go into great protracted descriptive verbiage as though we, the readers, were sitting in our comfy chairs in our parlors in the 19th Century with no other distractions other than the occasional whippoorwill outside our collective windows and little more to do with our time except read long-winded descriptions of the setting, the characters, the time, et cetera.

I know. I wrote such a scene in my WIP YA fantasy tale “Barmaglot”. Worse yet, it was the opening nine pages!

My eagle-eyed critique partner pointed that out to me. I had written fine protracted purple prose. I was quite proud of my wordmanship and expertise with broadsword sentences and extravagant razor-sharp adjectives.

I should have used a dagger instead—quick, simple, efficient, to the point, and much more deadly, as well as (often) unseen until it’s too late.

I thought I had learned my lesson.

In a WIP short story I’m slicing out now, I had what I thought was a strong, well-written paragraph, but something about it bothered me. I showed it to my teaching partner at school, and she was frustrated with the long paragraph, actually a single 60-word sentence broken up by a serious of commas.

All the commas were used properly and sitting in their proper places.

But the scene was exhausting to read.

“Break it up,” she said.

“You don’t like it? I think it conveys the idea nicely.”

“Well, obviously you think something is wrong with it, or you wouldn’t have shown it to me.”

She was right, of course, as usual.

I went back and broke up the long single 60-word sentence into several short, choppy sentences, and the scene tightened up immediately. It gave the reader a sense of hurried walking, which is what I was trying to do with the elongated sentence.

I love the theatre and acting and plays. I’ve written a couple of one-act dramas and still envision a play I’ve written being performed in regional theatre and then on off-off Broadway and then off Broadway and, finally, on Broadway! (Dream big or don’t dream at all.)

After the experiences of my critique partner and my teaching partner, I realized I needed to approach a scene in my novels and short stories the way I would approach a scene in a stage play—action and dialogue to move the story forward and avoid long rambling description, prolonged narrative, and extensive character exposition.

If the scene doesn't play out on stage, it doesn't play out on paper.

Description is necessary in telling a story in written form as a reader only views the setting, characters, and actions through the written word, unlike a stage play or movie.

However, the 19th and early 20th Centuries are long gone and buried with them are the multitude of paragraphs and proliferation of pages of protracted descriptive prose.

Today’s readers just won’t sit through such verbiage. Unless they are being held hostage on the tarmac of a shut-down airport or spending a very long two-day weekend with in-laws they prefer to see as victims of a major crime.

I’ve striving to achieve a happy medium: description with an emphasis on scenework rather than description apart from scenework. The two must be imbued as much as possible if the story is to move along and keep the reader engrossed and entertained and turning those pages and buying my next Great American Novel.

From now on, I'm using a dagger when I write my scenes rather than a broadsword. Using a dagger rather than a broadsword when writing scenes allows me to sneak in the bladed information before my victim (my reader) knows what has happened.

See you on the bookshelves.

Take care,
Larry Mike Garmon

"Alright" is Always "Alwrong"

If you don't write "alwrong" for "all wrong", then why do you write "alright" for "all right"?




As an English teacher and an avid reader, my Inner Editor rarely shuts down.

Sometimes, I'm reading something and Inner Editor will shout out, "Oh, that's just so wrong!" I.E. has the words out of my mouth before my Inner Self-Control can stop them, and then others around me look at me in strange and condemning ways.

Sometimes, I.E. is operating at full capacity, as when I'm grading essays and research papers, readying another writer's draft, or scrounging through my own writing.

Sometimes, I.E. is at half capacity, as when I'm reading a published book or article and come across poor grammar, bad spelling, confused words, et cetera.

Sometimes, I.E. is shut down way low, as when I'm reading my local newspaper's articles, emails from my principal or friends, or notes from parents. The newspaper articles, emails, and notes are so poorly constructed, spelled, and lacking strong word choice that I've learned to ignore the lack of proper writing skills and just try to decode message hidden among the bad grammar, misspellings, poor word choices contained within the newspaper articles, emails, or notes for a bit of understanding.

Once while traveling by plane, I had brought along a book that came highly recommended by another writer because I had a couple of hours between flights. Once in the terminal, I parked my arse on the hard plastic chair, opened the book, and began reading earnestly.

I.E. began screaming "all most" from the first sentence. I don't remember the book (I tend to repress bad memories), but I do remember the terrible editing.

Not remembering the story, plot, characters, setting, and themes of a work but remembering the terrible editing tells you what kind of impression this novel, this story, made on me. Actually, I was cursing first the writer who wrote the errors and then double cursing the editor who let the errors slip past his red pen.

What I remember most about the book (which I stopped reading after page 32) is the use of the word "alright".

Not once was this phrase used correctly in this supposedly well-written book. Not in dialogue, not in inner thought, not in narrative. Not once.

"All right" was used "alwrong" throughout the pages I read.

As with "alot", "alright" doesn't exist in the English language except in student essays, principal's emails, parents' notes, and our local newspapers' articles, as well as stories poorly edited by so-called editors who should know better.

So how did all right become alright?

Alright as a one-word spelling of the phrase all right probably arose by analogy with such words as already and altogether. Although alright is a common spelling in written dialogue and in other types of informal writing, all right is used in more formal, edited writing.

And story stories, non-fiction articles, and novels are supposed to be "formal, edited writing".

The problem is that we have writers and editors who were never taught that "alright" is all wrong and were allowed to get away with such poor writing skills in elementary school, high school, college, and grad school and are ignorant of their blundering.

So, poorly edited books are thrust upon a reading public with such words as "alright" replete throughout the story.

In "alhonesty", the vast majority of the reading public probably doesn't know the difference any way, so why should writers and editors care?

I don't know the difference between the chemical make-up of aspirin and cyanide, but I certainly hope the manufacturer who does know the difference doesn't get lazy or tired or distracted one day and confuse the two, alright?.

If we don't write "alwrong" for "all wrong", then why do we write "alright" for "all right"?

Because we're lazy, we're ignorant of the error, and we've got editors who don't know any better and, like those errant teachers of our school days, allow us to get away with poor writing.

Do a manuscript word find. How many "alright" errors are highlighted, including dialogue? (Exclude the dialectal "awright").

Although, "alright" will almost certainly slip past the young editor right out of college or grad school where he wasn't corrected on his poor writing skills, that doesn't mean the writer, the true wordsmith and craftsman, must tolerate poor writing skill.s

See you on the bookshelves.

Larry Mike Garmon

Curdling Up to a Prologue

The Prologue—ah, yes, the writer’s device by which he can begin his story twice within the span of several pages.

The Prologue is often employed because the writer believes his real beginning, that ubiquitous Chapter One, is all too weak to fully grasp the reader by the eyeballs and pull him into an engrossing story.

The solution to a weak Chapter One? Add the life-saving Prologue to sex up the story, provide teasers, tantalize the reader, interest that agent or editor.

For my present project, “Barmaglot”, a YA fantasy, I actually wrote two Prologues.

The first was a rambling fluff prose scene from the middle of the novel. The scene is repeated word-for-word at a crucial point of the story about 2/3s of the way into the tale.

I submitted this first Prologue for critiquing at a conference, and while my editor liked my story concept, she told me to get rid of the Prologue and just start with the story itself. I had never before heard that advice (or I wasn’t listening closely enough).

I got rid of the first Prologue but wrote a second as I didn’t feel Chapter One was exciting enough to begin the tale.

The second Prologue for “Barmaglot” was a literary trailer of sorts, a scene that didn’t appear anywhere in the story but only provided an interesting set of background events to lure the reader into reading further. This second Prologue had nothing to do with the actual beginning of the story, but I wrote it because I thought, “Ah, ha! This will get the reader interested enough to hook him into the story and, therefore, by the time he gets to Chapter One, he’ll be sufficiently hooked as to want to read the rest of the tale.”

My novel "Return of Evil" (Scholastic, ISBN-13: 978-0439208468) actually had three different beginnings--a two-part Prologue and then a Chapter one.

The first half of the Prologue was set at night.

The second half of the Prologue jumped back in the past some 24 hours.

The third beginning started at the present time of the story as Chapter one.

My editor told me it was a difficult way to start a novel but that it made sense, so she left it alone.

I don't advise beginning a novel in such away, and I wouldn't write the beginning of "Return of Evil" in the same way.

Instead, today I'd begin "Return of Evil" as Anna Myers begins her "Time of the Witches" (Walker Books, ISBN-13: 978-0802798206).

Anna begins "Time of the Witches" with Chapter One but hides a bit of a prologue in the beginning of the chapter as the narrator explains the difficult circumstances of her birth. This "prologue" is expanded upon later in the novel when the narrator is told the difficult circumstances of her birth by the midwife who birthed her years earlier.



I’ve tossed both Prologues to “Barmaglot” like a person spits out soured milk when he drinks it not realizing the milk has curdled.

Also, one of my novels being shopped around now (“The Calamari Code”) originally had an exciting Prologue, one I liked very much. I originally put the novel on the market with the Prologue firmly and snuggly attached to the beginning. The scene in the Prologue is repeated much later in the novel, but in a shortened form, and I was relying on my reader to remember the exciting events of the Prologue some 150 pages earlier.

What was I thinking?

When I sent out the query and the first ten pages of “The Calamari Code” on its third round of agents and editors, I tossed the Prologue with all the enthusiasm of ending a bad relationship.

And, ta-da! Surprise: Less than two weeks later, I got two requests for the entire novel within hours of each other.

To Prologue or Not to Prologue, that is the question.

A Prologue is often background material, a set-up of the past to foreshadow future events or a setting that will appear somewhere in the story at a later period whereby the reader now fully understands the significance of the Prologue itself.

It’s a matter of preference and there are no hard and set rules; however, if the reader can get right to the story without wading through a Prologue, wading through background, the story moves more quickly.

If the Prologue is a scene repeated later in the story, the reader may skip over the repeated scene not realizing additional information may be contained within the re-minted scene, and the last thing a reader wants is a reader skipping through his story.

That’s like a person watching a movie and using the fast forward button to skip through the slower and, often, more boring parts of a film.

I watched the movie “Vantage Point” and about the umpteenth time the assassination scene was shown from another character’s point of view, I had had enough and kept saying, “Just get the Hell on with the story all ready! I get your point. Geez!” Three quarters of the movie is pure Prologue.

The actual story in “Vantage Point” makes up about 25 minutes of the movie. The other 65 minutes is Prologue repeated ad nauseam from different vantage points of various characters. After the third vantage point, I was bored.

Prologues are used on three occasions. Adding a Prologue to a story depends on “when” the Prologue takes place.

1. If the Prologue’s an event in the past that has ramifications on the present events of the story, why not just call it “Chapter One”, give it date, and then segue into “Chapter Two—The Present”?

2. If the Prologue is used as a teaser for something that will happen later in the story, then it slows down the action of the story’s real beginning.

3. If the Prologue is a past event used to give clues to the story in its present setting, then you can just add that information where it comes into play in the story and eliminate the Prologue and “Just get on with it”, as Monty Python would say.

Essentially, what a writer is doing when he places a Prologue in his story is writing Two Beginnings—he’s working twice as hard to hook the reader. If the story is not hook-ish enough with one beginning, Two Beginnings ain’t gonna make it any more interesting.

The three Prologues I wrote for my two novels did help me to understand my story and establish setting, characters, and voice. The three Prologues served a purpose, but they served my purpose and not necessarily the purpose of the reader.

The three Prologues were actually short stories without the resolution of conflict—which is not a bad thing, but why not just get on with telling the tale?

Prologues are like a musical’s Overtures—a brief interlude to allow the audience to seat itself, to quiet itself, to get itself ready to enjoy an intriguing tale told in song and dance. The Overture gives snippets of the musical pieces to come, but the Overture is not the musical story and is unnecessary to the overall plot of the musical tale itself.

If the orchestra never played the Overture, the story would still be judged and stand on its own merits. No lover of stage musicals or critics ever commented on or like/disliked the musical based upon the Overture, only on the over all story itself.

Prologues like Overtures are unnecessary, overused, and abused.

To repeat Monty Python: “Let’s get on with it!”

So, where do I begin my story?

“The Sound of Music” answers that question:

Maria:
Let's start at the very beginning
A very good place to start
When you read you begin with

Child (Gretyl):
ABC

The Naked Writer 02: Goosing the Reader

Why are you reading this particular blog?

Was it the title?

Perhaps this blog is just one of many on your list, and you're looking for a few blogs about writing that appeal to you as a fledgling author or an experienced author like me who likes to be juiced every now and then.

Perhaps you were exploring the blog-o-sphere and came across the title The Naked Writer, giggled a little as you imagined a writer sitting butt-naked in front of his or her computer (hopefully not in a leather chair!), and then decided to read the blog for perhaps a titillating description of the aforementioned naked writer, imagining him to be Brad Pitt or her to be Angelina Jolie.



Well, I goosed ya! I've given you a big goose pinch on the arse side of your salacious intellect and, so far, I haven't gotten my face slapped across the blog-o-sphere.

The Goosed Ya Factor is at the heart of all good writing because the end result of all good writing is to be read by readers.

And the Goosed Ya Factor begins with the first word of the first sentence of the first paragraph of the first page of the first chapter. It's emotionally and intellectually goosing the reader into saying, "Oh!" in a silent, mental shrill.

Goosed Ya begins when the reader has forgotten about the author and has begun concentrating on the story from the opening sentence.

From the time we are children, we are told, "Look don't touch."

We can't help touching, though. We're tactile beings. We're attracted to something, and we want to touch it. Even people. Such touching, however, will get us into trouble at the mall, on the bus, or in the subway.

Writers like readers. Readers help us to make a living. But, we've got to get their attention from the beginning, to leave a good impression with the reader so the reader reads on.

As writers, we don't do anything normally. Instead of walking up to our readers and saying, "Hi, I'm So-and-So," we goose them with words—images evoking emotions—and hope they will like the pleasant conversation (story) that follows.

The following are the opening sentences to both newer and older works. Each of these has the Goosed Ya opening, the sentence that immediately causes the reader to want to read the next sentence and the next sentence after that. Can you name the stories that have the following Goosed Ya openings?

1. "Where's papa going with that ax?"
2. "It was a dark and stormy night."
3. "On the whole of dull dark and soundless day in the autumn of the year when the clouds hung oppressively low . . . ."
4. "Call me Ishmael."
5. "Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much."
6. "Get your hand off my breast!"
7. "The first time I met him?"
8. “Something was about to happen. Nona, Archangel of Nth, could feel it in her bones. She sat on the edge of the cloud strumming her lute and wondering what the day would bring.”
9. "It was a pleasure to burn."

You'll notice that quotes 1, 4, 6, and 8 begin with an action.

Quotes 2 and 7 tell us immediately we're going to be reminiscing. Also, quote 2 is a writer's joke and any writer who has study his craft will recognize the jest Madeleine L'Engle is making.

Quotes 3, 5, and 9 present a specific and interesting scene or person or thought.

Quote 4 not only begins with the action word "Call" but also introduces the main character as well as the entire theme of the work to follow in three words by using a Biblical allusion!

Quote 7 is a question in response to previous question: from whom? The reader, an unknown friend?

Also, quote 8 is an invitation. For whom is the invitation? The reader or a character in the story?

Answers:

1. Charlotte's Web, E.B. White
2. A Wrinkle in Time, Madeleine L'Engle
3. "The Fall of the House of Usher", Edgar A. Poe
4. Moby Dick, Herman Melville
5. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, J.K. Rowling
6. See the end of this blog for the answer to this one.
7. The Greatest Miracle in the World, Og Mandino
8. See the end of this blog for the answer to this one also.
9. Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury

I must admit: as I wrote this blog entry, I couldn't remember the answer to Quote 7. I thought and thought and thought; still, the answer wouldn't come to me.

I remembered the story in its entirety: The opening, the middle, and the end. I have the image of a red rose against a snowy background. An old man teaches a younger man. I remembered the story left me a little sad but wiser and helped to fill a void in my life at that time. I remembered the author's name, did a web search, and then perused the various reviews of his best selling books until I hit upon the book that reminded me of the title to which that particular quote, "The first time I met him?", belonged.

That's the Goosed Ya Factor. I had been so impressed with the opening and then the entire story that I had remembered the story and had forgotten the book and the author.

That's good writing.

The Goosed Ya Factor focuses immediately on the characters and the story to follow not the author and his worldview.

Look at your opening: do you have that Goosed Ya Factor in whatever you're working on now?

Recently, one of my critique partners chided me—correctly, of course—for not having the Goosed Ya Factor in my present novel. In fact, she told me she had gotten to Page Nine before she even knew what the story was about. She was correct of course, and I am grateful for her insight and her patience in sticking with my story through eight pages of protracted purple prose.

I’ve tossed the first eight pages my novel and have rewritten the opening chapter, and I’m quite pleased with the result.

How does your story begin? Thusly?

"The sky was an angry gray that soon turned into a dark frown of rumbling thunder."

That's the author speaking, becoming visible and showing off his ability to type adjectives about the weather and not use his skill to evoke a tell-tale story.

I like storms. I like personification. I even like mixed metaphors when they are presented humorously.

However, I like people more than clouds and thunder and metaphors, and I'd rather read about the angry gray expression and dark frown of a person than get a weather report.

But, I hear you saying, “I’m establishing mood.”

Poe established mood with his weather opening of “The Fall of the House Usher”. Poe was quite popular. Poe will be studied long after we are dead and our scribblings forgotten. But, Poe wrote in the first half of the 19th Century for an audience who spent hours reading, and Poe didn’t compete against television, radio, the Internet, networking, video games, TiVO, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

Even Shakespeare expends much stage energy discussing the weather in his plays, especially his tragedies.

However, if Poe and Shakespeare were alive today, they would be different writers—still great writers, but different from their 19th Century and 16th Century personas.

Indeed, they would begin their stories and plays much differently because both Poe and Shakespeare wrote to be read by giving their respective audience what it collectively wanted to read and see.

"Harley Simmons awoke with an angry gray scowl that turned into a dark frown as he turned over to find she was gone again."

The author has just goosed me. My "Ya Just Goosed Me!" curiosity is now aroused. I can imagine all sorts of scenarios to follow, and none are too pleasant, I might say.

Not only am I presented with an immediate conflict that will lead to a future confrontation, but I have been presented with past history as well with the simple addition of the adverb again.

And why is Harley awaking "with an angry gray scowl"? Did he go to bed angry? Did he have a bad dream? Did they have bad sex? Does he naturally wake up angry? Or, did he go to sleep the previous night expecting to wake up to find "her" gone and, therefore, not only has he awaken in a foul mood, we can assume he went to bed in a foul mood and slept in a foul mood and had foul dreams.

Uh-oh. Big trouble brewing.

To be honest, I don't know what happens next. I just made that up as an example of the difference between a meteorologist turned writer and writer who wants to be published by, first and foremost, attracting the attention of an agent or an editor.

Author's Note:

Quote 6: "Get your hand off my breast!" is from one of my short stories called "The Turning Away" and it refers to fried chicken.

Quote 8: “Something was about to happen. Nona, Archangel of Nth, could feel it in her bones. She sat on the edge of the cloud strumming her lute and wondering what the day would bring.”
is from my angel fantasy novel Exaltation.

I know what you're thinking: This guy must think he's really something to include himself among those great authors!

My only reply to your astonished indignation is, Hey, it's my blog!

Until next time: Keep writing.

See you on the bookshelves.

Larry Mike Garmon

The Naked Writer 01: Show some Flesh for Maximum Exposure

And so, here we are. My story and I. Paolo and Francesca. Naked both in life and death. Aware, shamed, repentant in our sins but not in our live.

And Francesca whispers to me:

"Love, that can quickly seize the gentle heart,
took hold of him because of the fair body . . . .

Love, that releases no beloved from loving,
took hold of me so strongly that through his beauty
that, as you see, it has not left me yet."
--Canto V, 100-105, Dante's Inferno



Writing about truth and beauty and all those other themes with which writers are so concerned is as easy as taking off your clothes in front of your family, friends, neighbors, and the entire world and letting everyone explore your body without limits or without protest. Writing is making unbridled passionate love to your beloved in front of the whole world and not be being embarrassed. In order to expose the world, you've got to expose yourself as well.

In the movie American Beauty, Lester Burnham asks his two health-conscious Gay neighbors for tips on getting in shape.

"Are you looking to just lose weight, or are you looking to have increased strength and flexibility as well?" one asks him.

Burnham replies, "I wanna look good naked."

So, you're a "writer." Good for you. Are you looking to just exorcise yourself of the inner demons you feel have been possessing you all your life -- in other words, writing is just therapy for you -- or are you looking to have increased popularity and be your own boss as well?

Whatever your reasons for wanting to be a writer, you had better make sure you look good naked.

If you want to be a writer who desires more than dinner table and conference accolades from family and friends, be prepared to get naked psychologically, spiritually, morally, personally, and emotionally.

Now, here's the Catch-22 akin, here's the fine print on the contract with the Devil that we never know about until Old Scratch comes to claim our souls:

While you have to expose your inner most self, lay yourself bare on the world's examination table, you must also be invisible, to disappear so that your reader does not see you; instead, the reader sees the characters and the story, and that's all.

Even though this blog is called The Naked Writer, it is not about writers at all. It is about writing honestly and invisibly.

Og Mandino became a celebrity with his books The Greatest Secret in the World, The Greatest Salesman in the World, and then The Greatest Miracle in the World, but his work is so well written the writer virtually disappears in stories that expose human truth, human lies, human triumphs, human defeats, and human joy and sorrow.

Og Mandino exposed his soul in his books, but one never gets the impression the books are about Og Mandino. Rather, the books are about the human condition. The books are about us.

And such is the paradox of the writing profession in general and the paradox of this blog in particular. To be a good writer, one needs to expose himself personally, spiritually, morally, psychologically, and emotionally.

Yet, the writer must remain in the background, unseen and unheard and unobtrusive into the lives of the characters who live and breathe in their own particular worlds.

Of course, we have writers like Mark Twain, Ernest Hemingway, (the present-day) Tom Wolfe, H.P. Lovecraft, F. Scott Fitzgerald, and, yes, Dante--all were (are) successful and are still quite popular despite the fact that you cannot separate the writer from his characters.

They are just as honest and just as genuine as Mandino, but their stories are blatantly about themselves.

As a reader, I am selfish enough to want to read stories that include me as well, and I do not want to necessarily interact with the author but with characters with whom I can relate and debate.

The writer who is not able or capable of "getting naked" in front of a group of strangers without drawing attention to himself will fail to get beyond the dinner table and conference accolades of family and friends.

Writing naked (or, is it "nakedly") is not the "Emperor's New Clothes."

Writing naked is H.G. Wells' The Invisible Man. We wear the clothes but remain invisible ourselves.

Take away the clothes and we, the writers, are naked but still invisible because the clothes, the stories and characters, are what are important not who wears (writes) them.

See you on the bookshelves.

Larry Mike Garmon

The Naked Writer No. 2: The Goosed Ya Factor
The Naked Writer No. 3: Spanking the Monkey

The Fickle Finger of Fate, Agents, Editors, & Lovers

What' I'm reading now: Dashiell Hammett's short story anthology The Continental Op.

My wish list for the week:

1. A coffee cup that refills itself.
2. Ten more hours in my day.
3. Two sets of hands and two computers so I can type my story with one set of hands and one computer while I write my blog, network, grade student papers, critique my buddies' stories, and troll the Internet with the other pair of hands and the second computer.

Fickle is a good word to describe the pleasures of agents, editors, and publishers. At times I think "arbitrary and capricious" are more fitting.

In the days of old, an agent and the publisher would actually help to build a writer's career. A writer wrote, an agent sold, and a publisher published two or three or five small, good but unimportant novels to help the writer become known and established (much like 1960's groups pressing local and regional 45 rpm records). This is how a writer learned his craft and earned his chops --the pre-digital world's version of platform building.

Because that process is expensively prohibited now days, writers spend much time in college creative writing classes, attending seminars, participating in workshops, gathering at conferences, and workshopping with critique buddies to hone their craft and earn their chops.

Nowadays, each agent and each editor seek that next blockbuster novel and series rather than take a writer under his/her wing and develop him/her into a blockbuster writer.

Plus, every writer is trying to write that next blockbuster novel and series instead of just writing good stories as he/she learns her craft.

Serious writers spend much time researching agents and editors to learn what they are buying to sell.

Serious writers spend much time in market research to see what the public is buying from the sellers.

Then I read a comment like this from one of my favorite agent bloggers: "It's really all subjective when you get right down to it. I might not like your submission today, but if I had gotten it two weeks later, I might ask to see the entire manuscript."

Sometimes I feel as though they just walk outside and hold their fingers to the wind. Or, just toss up several slush pile queries and the one that lands face up, they ask the harried writer to send the entire manuscript.

In reality, I know agents and editors are just like me and you--we love books and we love to tell stories. A writer who approaches the agent and editor side of writing as though the agent and the editor are sharks or worms or haters of books had best become good friends with Lulu or AuthorHouse.

As with you and many other writers, I read several agent and editor blogs, and several of the agents and editors post queries, making comments about what they like and what they don't like about the hundreds of submitted queries and such.

From their comments, I surmise they are indeed at times "arbitrary and capricious" -- some even admit to breaking their own submission rules to accept a query's idea because they like the story's premise.

One even admitted, "There really aren't any rules" despite her agency's "strict submission rules" on her website.

Learning this is like learning Santa doesn't really exist--confusion, mistrust, frustration, and even anger swirl through me like small dust devils on a hot Southwest Oklahoma afternoon. (How's that for a mixed metaphor, eh?)

Perhaps it's the hundreds of thousands of years of male evolution screaming out from within me, but I like rules, and I like when the rules are followed. Makes my life so much easier..

Sometimes I feel like I'm riding a commuter train in India and the editors and agents are the conductors, all of whom are grabbing at the controls because each believes he/she knows how to drive better than the other; yet, few actually have a conductor's license.

As with you, I enter any contest that puts me closer to an editor, agent, and publisher.

I haven't made any of the winning lists yet--win, place, or show.

However, the same novel I have submitted to these monthly contests from which I have yet to receive a win, place, or show I have also submitted to agents and editors over the past few weeks.

So far, three out of five agents to whom I submitted this same novel have asked to see the entire manuscript and are reading it now (I hope I haven't just jinxed myself).

One of the agents who is reading my novel for representation was a judge in one of those contests that I didn't win, place, or show. I didn't even make the top 20 list.

But, now she's reading the same novel I had submitted to her for the contest because she found it to be a "unique and interesting idea" as well as "witty with a strong voice and well written."

Interesting, huh?

Writers and Agents are Lovers groping for each other in the dark--trying to figure out how to please his/her partner while not abandoning his/her own desires in the process.

See you on the bookshelves.

Larry Mike Garmon

PS: This blog was inspired by writing friend Helen Robertson who recently placed third in a monthly submission contest with an entry I had read and helped critique last fall--it's a very good story and will see print one day. Helen had submitted her entry to another contest and was soundly rejected by that one. She wrote to our Yahoo Group to show how fickle this whole business really is, and, thus, inspired me to blog about it.